


Play Pretend

by maybege



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: A little angst, Aftercare, Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, Dirty Talk, Dom!Obi-Wan, Dry Humping, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Meetings, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Force Bondage, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Light Angst, Light Dom/sub, Multiple Orgasms, Naked Female Clothed Male, Nipple Play, Obi-Wan is tired of everything, Overstimulation, Protective!Obi-Wan, Smut, Spanking, Touch-Starved, Yearning, master!kink, reader uses the safeword once, slight degradation, thigh riding, this is now turning into a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:41:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 46,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24525541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybege/pseuds/maybege
Summary: The story of how the reader – a glorified secretary in her own words – and an infamous Jedi Master struggle with their feelings for each other in a life that is defined by war.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Reader
Comments: 116
Kudos: 537





	1. First Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing for Obi-Wan and publishing and kind of smut, so I am very excited to see what you think! I have some ideas for how to make this into a series (some parts would be set before this one, and some would obviously deal with the aftermath of what happened in this story) – would you be interested in that? As always, feedback, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan meets you for the first time and you have a hard time being welcomed into the Jedi Temple. (Part 1 of the Play Pretend Series)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo, after your feedback I have decided to extend this oneshot into a little series. 3 party will be set before "Play Pretend" and then the story will continue with the aftermath. This first part is more of a little introduction and, therefore, a bit shorter than the other parts. As always, feedback, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated, let me know what you think!

The clone wars were old news these days. It had been two and a half years since the battle on Geonosis and the whole galaxy was in a strange state, to say the least. Every system had some involvement and yet no one in the Senate felt that affected until they were the ones suffering.

Obi-Wan Kenobi had become tired of the wars a long time ago. Too many precious lives lost, too many risks that had not been taken and had to be taken at the same time and every time they cashed a win, the separatists would find a new way to destroy their progress.

He had almost forgotten what it had been like before the Wars had started. Jedi were meant to be the keepers of peace and yet they had all been transformed into soldiers, generals that decided over the life and death of hundreds living creatures at a time. With his call to the Jedi Council as a Jedi Master, he had thought back to his own childhood and apprenticeship under Qui-Gon. Back then, no one would have suspected a war on this scale.

Now after months of bickering between politicians and the Council about the paperwork and what else needed to be done, the Senate had decided that the Jedi Council needed a bit of help of their own. An independent employee so to say. He found it ironic, considering that the very rule of the Jedi was to remain independent. To isolate themselves from politics. But they were under the Senate’s jurisdiction, being the knights of the Republic, and so he had followed Master Windu and some padawans to the senate building in the middle of Coruscant.

For the padawans, it was the first visit to the busy building that posed the very centre of the Republic. They were clearly in awe of the grand building, the many people that were walking around in their robes and splendour. It was busy and loud – the opposite of the sacred Temple they had grown up in.

The Chancellor had already been expecting them with a small smile like he always did. “Please, meet my niece, Y/N Palpatine. She has been assigned the position by the Senate upon my heartfelt recommendation.”

Next to the Chancellor stood a young woman – you. You were younger than he thought you would be. Then again, if the Chancellor had recommended you it had probably less to do with your qualifications and more with your blood relations.

You were wearing an expensive overall that was glittering in the light, dark in colour and a black velvet cloak around your shoulders. Your hair was styled in an elaborate updo atop of you head, looking far too heavy for your neck.

In short, you looked every bit like the Coruscant elite that could be found wandering around the Chancellor’s orbit. Was he surprised that it was someone like you that got the position? Not really. No matter what Anakin said, his faith in politics had always been limited at best and the appointment of Palpatine’s niece to the vacant position only assured him in his opinion.

However, the longer he scrutinized you, the more he had to correct his first impression. Your aura was … surprisingly clean. Nothing like the dark grey that largely floated around the politicians and their corrupt employees. No, yours was a vibrating pale blue, almost glowing against the dark furniture in your uncle’s office. Without much effort, he could sense the nervousness that you were feeling.

But it was not the kind of nervousness as if you were hiding something. His brows furrowed. No, this was the pure kind. The exciting kind. You were _excited_ to meet them. He did not know how to handle that information.

You stepped forward, an excited smile on your lips. “It is an honour to meet you, Master Jedi,” you bowed your head in greeting, your neck clearly straining to keep that ridiculous hairstyle upright, “My uncle has told me a lot about the important work that you do for the galaxy in these difficult times.”

The way you talked, calm and kind and friendly and what was wrong with him why could he not return the greeting? Windu sent him a suspicious side-eye, probably noticing how you had thrown him off his rhythm. Obi-Wan crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked to Master Windu. If he acted like he was as doubtful as he had been for the first few moments of seeing you, perhaps no one would notice his slip-up.

“Secretary Palpatine has been tasked to make our communications with the Senate more efficient,” Master Windu elaborated to the padawans, sounding as displeased as ever. The padawans nodded, their big eyes still taking in the luxuriously furnished office they were standing in.

Windu had not acknowledged you and he probably had no intention to do so. After all, he was one of the strongest opposers when it came to and with your appointment by the Chancellor, you had unintentionally made it worse. Obi-Wan felt how your happiness dropped from elation to sudden disappointment and was that embarrassment?

He chanced a look at you and you looked about as crestfallen as he had imagined.

This would definitely not be an easy transition.

*

A few weeks later, he saw you again.

It was in the Jedi Temple this time. He knew that you had started your position there even though none of the Jedi Masters had been particularly pleased about your appointment. But he knew that even if they did not agree, no one would explicitly say it out loud, it was simply not the Jedi way. Master Windu and his padawan had been assigned as your guides for your first few weeks and if anyone was efficient, it was Windu. He might not have been your biggest fan but he was a good instructor and Obi-Wan was sure that he would offer a good crash course into Jedi etiquette and culture.

You would attend some meetings, quietly doing your work and having little to no contact with anyone. Except, probably, your uncle. He had heard rumours that you had a good relationship to some of the librarians and that you could be found talking to them about data gathering and borrowing systems.

It was a bit peculiar, he found, he had not judged you as a person who liked to read. But so far, none of his impressions had rung true anyway. You were a real surprise.

There was also talk that you were admired by the padawans, especially the more adolescent ones. Some found you attractive, cheeks blushing, ears getting warm when they saw you. Others found you interesting, exotic almost, with your glittering Coruscant gowns and your obvious non-belonging to the Jedi Order. He had spotted more than one group of padawans who dared each other to go and speak to you.

But other than that, you were not made to feel very welcome.

You walked through the temple as if you were oblivious to all of that. And perhaps you were. Your aura was clear and beautiful, something that not changed from your first meeting, but you also seemed intimidated.

Not that he had looked out for you whenever he passed you. No, he had spent weeks on a series of missions in the Outer Rim and his priority was not to keep track of any stray secretaries roaming the halls of the temple alone. And if he noticed that your aura was never as bright as it was that first day he had met you, no one needed to know.

There were some Jedi Council meetings which you are reluctantly allowed to attend. Mostly to keep protocol of the missions the Senate sent to the Jedi and if there was any significant progress. You did not actively participate in any discussions, only standing to the side and taking some notes. From what he could tell you were good at your job. The Senate had not reached out again and Obi-Wan _did_ have to admit that there was less paperwork.

He spent his time training with Anakin and Ahsoka. It made him proud to see how his once so young padawan had evolved, how he had become one of the strongest Jedi in existence and how he got to experience teaching his own padawan. Sweat was forming on his forehead as he sparred with both of them until he decided that it was enough.

He wandered the halls to get back to his rooms, perhaps meditate for a bit, when he was distracted. One of the smaller meetings had ended, he could see the master and knights talking to each other as they left the room. You, on the other hand, left the room alone.

Before he could think about it, he walked towards you. Your eyes were focussed on your datapad as you walked through the big hallway. That glittering dress you were wearing trailed behind you, a soft sound on the stone floor. It was the very opposite of the humility the Jedi tried to convey but it was less pompous than what you had been wearing when he had first met you. Your hair was open now, framing your face. It looked … soft.

When Obi-Wan came to stand in front of you, your face snapped up, looking at him in surprise. Your aura got a little brighter, he noticed with a pleased smile. “Master Kenobi,” you greeted him, head bowing, “How can I help you?”

That was when he realized that he had had no plan going into this. He, or at least some small insignificant part of him, had just wanted to talk to you. In the end, he decided on a topic that he knew would warrant only a little small talk until you would both go your separate ways.

“It has come to my attention that you have been here for quite some time, secretary,” he started, “Did you have the chance to explore the temple yet?”

It was a ridiculous excuse to talk to you and he knew it.

“Unfortunately not. Master Windu and his padawan have been very busy.”

His brows furrowed at your answer. It was standard protocol to show people around, at least the small visitor tour. You would have to work here, after all, and the temple was enormous. How many weeks had he spent away? Three? Four? Long enough, surely, for you to have received some sort of tour, right?

He made the decision before he could think of its consequences.

“We can’t have that, now can we?” he smiled, offering you his arm.

Surprise coloured your aura, the feeling washing over him like a shockwave. You were clearly intimidated but there was also a little excitement in the way your lips twitched and he felt warm knowing that it was because of him, “Master Kenobi, I –“

“Obi-Wan, please.”

“Obi-Wan,” you trailed off, eyes wide in awe, “Are you sure? I don’t want to keep you.”

“I offered, didn’t I?”

You kept the datapad in your hand and took his arm with the other. The touch was gentle but he felt it through the fabric of his tunic and tried to reign in the blush on his cheeks. Why did you make him _feel_ these things?

Slowly, you started walking you through the temple. He showed you the great mezzanine hallways you already knew, the library (the librarians were smiling at you welcomingly and he felt how comfortable you were between the many books) but also things you apparently had never seen before. Your smile was bright as you watched the younglings train and it was like a wave across his chest.

Even when the usual tour was finished, he wanted to show you more. He led you through the gardens and took note of how you admired the silence, eyes looking up to see if you could see the speeders from the usual traffic on the capital planet.

Your aura was getting brighter and warmer and he resisted the urge to reach out with his own. What would it feel like to entangle your thoughts and feelings with his? Would

“I cannot thank you enough,” you finally brought out, eyes still taking in everything, “This … this is amazing. Thank you, Obi-Wan.”

“Anytime,” he replied. A bunch of younglings ran past you, your laughter echoing as you saw that they were chasing a small animal, a bird perhaps?

“They seem very happy here.”

“They are. We try to provide them with the happiest childhood they can have. A Jedi’s life can get stressful enough once they get older,” he drifted off. Thinking about his own childhood and upbringing, losing his master so early.

“May I ask, why did you become a Jedi?”

“It was the path that was chosen for me,” he explained calmly, “To be honest, I never even considered anything else. This is what I was meant for.”

You hummed at that, your hand twitching on his arms and he drew you a little closer to his side. Just in case, the group of children tried to return of course. He would not want you to stand in their way.

To keep his mind from wandering and from focussing on your entangled arms, he returned your question, “Why did you become involved in this job?”

Contemplating for a moment, you came to halt, standing in the middle of the hallway, light from the windows illuminating you. His breath caught in his throat, his thoughts venturing into dangerous territory. “My uncle, well my family in general, is very ambitious,” you told him, “I grew up in an environment that encouraged being successful over anything else. And politics is the field that I was assigned.”

“And are you ambitious?”

“To be quite honest with you, I don’t even like politicians.”

The surprise he felt must have shown on his face because you laughed, “You didn’t expect that I gather?”

Obi-Wan found that he liked the sound of your happiness, it made his own lips twitch upwards. “I did not,” he admitted. Both of you continued walking. By now, your arm in his felt like it belonged there. In silence, he pondered your answer. You did not like politicians. And he knew you were telling the truth because your aura was so open, you would not be able to hide it if you lied – at least not from him.

The more he learnt about you, the more you intrigued him. The more he had to realize that everything he had assumed about you was wrong. He was not used to that. His whole life he had been blessed with a very particular and knowledge of people.

Some padawans passed them, then. Their eyes were lingering on your as they whispered between themselves. He wanted to scold them on the rudeness they displayed but they were also just children. Your smile was bashful as you looked up at him, “I fear I am still somewhat of an oddity.”

The sadness in your voice could not be missed and he recognized that you had not been as oblivious as you acted. You had noticed the way the masters avoided you, how the padawans whispered behind your back and you had assumed the worst. His heart ached for reasons unknown to him and he wanted to make you feel better.

“They are not staring at you because you are odd,” he revealed to you softly, “They are staring because they think you are beautiful.”

And the dangerous thing he realized at that moment was that he, too, found you beautiful.


	2. Blooming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the war goes on, Obi-Wan finds himself more and more exhausted. And the only thing that can give him peace seems to be … you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your feedback on the first part! I hope you enjoy this one, too, as we are finally getting some more Obi-Wan/Reader interaction. As always, feedback, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated, let me know what you think!
> 
> Warnings: Obi-Wan is tired™, so much yearning, lots of touching and fluff, mentions of battle

A few months later he was busy decapitating yet another droid. Blaster shots rang all around him, a mixture of red and blue and fire.

It had been weeks on this planet, in the midst of a rebellion that not only fought against a cruel regime but was then surprised by the separatists. There had not been one calm moment to rest and he was not sure how long he, or any of his soldiers for that matter, had been up at this point. He twirled the lightsaber in his hands, slicing a few droids on the way as he ducked for cover next to Cody.

The battle was soon won. The united forces of the Republic and the rebels were enough to drive the separatists away and the rebels were quick to celebrate their victory while he and his troops prepared their departure. He had not found Grievous, of course, he had not. His search for the enemy general had taken a detour when the rebels had hailed for help and by the time Obi-Wan had the opportunity to pursue him, Grievous was long gone.

He was somewhere in the Mid Rim now, according to rumours, and Master Unduli had volunteered to pursue him during her missions there.

So now he had gotten the order to return him and his ship home and he was overseeing the last transporter being filled when someone joined him.

“It’s been a rough few weeks, Master Jedi.”

“That they have been,” he agreed, “But they have been worth it.”

“You look tired, Master Jedi,” Jokah, the rebel leader, told him. The woman looked at him questioningly, “I hope you don’t mind my question, General, but what are you fighting for?”

 _For peace_ , he wanted to answer but the words could not leave his mouth. It was true, he was fighting for peace. But now it felt like a long-lost memory somewhere in the back of his mind. He was fighting because he had to. Because the separatists were everywhere.

Jokah looked at him as if she knew exactly what was going on in his head. It scared him a little, the way her eyes seemed to pierce his very soul.

“You always need something to fight for, General,” she spoke quietly, “Otherwise, the war wins before anyone else does.”

He only nodded his head in thanks before departing on the last transporter back to the ship. Back home.

*

When he was finally back on Coruscant the first thing he did was go to the garden. He was sitting in silence with closed eyes, letting the force wash over him. It calmed him enough to start working though the more painful memories of death and destructions that he had witnessed on his mission.

There was a little tug in the force and he grimaced. What was that? He tried to wave it away, like a mosquito that just got too close and pulled him out of the concentration he had worked so hard on. Soon, however, this tug turned into a pull and he noted the pink warmth that seemed to close in on the edges. It was you.

He opened his eyes and sure enough, there you were.

You were walking on one of the roofed pathways, a datapad in your hand. Your dress was trailing behind you on the floor and your hair was trailing down your back as well.

Evidently, you had not yet noticed him.

For a moment, he was unsure what to do. The pull seemed to grow stronger with every second that he saw you but he also did not want to disturb your peace. Slowly, he stood up. He wanted to gaze at you a little longer, just for a moment, just to see how content you –

“Obi-Wan!” you gasped, relief flooding your voice as you hurried towards him, “I did not know you were back already.”

Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him into a close hug. Completely unprepared for the show of affection, he froze, his hands mid-air.

_Jedi did not touch._

In fact, he was hard pressed to remember the last time someone had actually hugged him. Not a brotherly slap on the shoulder or a fond handshake, an actual hug. It might have been his parents when he had left for the Temple.

Without thinking about it too much, he wrapped you up in his arms as well. His hands were on your waist and your back, pressing you closer to him. Touching someone like this was fascinating. It felt better than he had remembered, his fingertips aching to brush the texture of your dress. His nose buried itself in your hair, breathing in your scent and thinking to himself _just this once, just this one time_.

“I’m so glad you are safe,” you whispered into the crook of his neck and the heat of your breath made goosebumps appear on his arms, “Are you well?”

He did not move away from you, so his words were slightly muffled by your hair, “Well, I’m still alive.”

Slowly, you pulled away from him and his heart ached in a way he had not known before. He wanted to pull you back into his body, to wrap you up in his cloak and touch you more. But the way you eyed him up and down, obviously checking for any visible injuries, made him feel soft as well. He could endure not touching you if you looked at him like that.

“How was it? Do you want to talk about it? Oh, I’m sorry I’m probably keeping you from attending to Jedi matters –“

It was endearing to see you like this, so obviously nervous, a blush on your cheeks as word after word spilled from your mouth.

His hand reached out, landing on that point where your shoulder and neck met. Warm fingers fanned out and suddenly he was holding the entire side of your neck and his fingers curled just so slightly, pulling you towards him and your voice gave out, wide eyes looking at him and he spotted the tip of your tongue wetting your lips and _maker what was he doing?_

His hand flinched back from your skin as if he had been burnt. There was a blush on your cheeks, embarrassment visible on your face, and he felt how his own ears got hot as well.

“I – uh, there are no Jedi matters,” he answered quickly, “The council has a meeting scheduled for this evening but other than that I am allowed to rest.”

“That’s good to hear. I was worried the senate would just burn through all the Jedi like they were clones,” you hesitated then, “You don’t have another mission soon, do you? You rarely had time to rest between the last three.”

He had to smile at you. He was not used to having people worry over him. Sure, he had the Jedi Order but they were all in the same predicament. Virtually every Jedi was on constant missions and it was no longer anything unusual. But you always asked him how he was, always wanting to know if there was anything you could do to help. He remembered how you had brought him a meal from the mess hall when he had been too tired from a mission. How you waited each time when he came back so you could take walks together. They had become his favourite pastime, these talks with you.

“Would you like to take a walk with me? “

He offered you his arm. He faintly remembered the holopictures, where the romantic couples walked in a similar fashion across beaches and through forests. But this was something completely different, he assured himself. He had manners and this was nothing more than being polite. And if he relished in the way you drew closer to him while you talked and how your free hand settled on his upper arm as well, no one had to know.

The gardens were blissfully empty. There was no other force presence he could detect so he allowed himself to indulge, just a little bit, in yours. He did not hide his smiles when you talked and he held your eye contact when he caught you staring. The fondness in his gaze must have shown because he spotted how your aura grew warmer around the edges, a blush on your cheeks.

“What is it?”, you asked him, smiling, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

 _Just admiring_ , he thought to himself and then immediately discarded the thought. _No attachments_ , he tried to remind himself, _no attachments_.

“Tell me what I have missed,” he asked of you instead, “You keep track of the happenings much better than I ever could.”

You smiled and started talking.

*

The meeting went on for what seemed to be forever.

He knew that he should have taken some time to rest but the walk with you had captured his interest too much and he was paying the price for it now. He was lounging in his council chair, hand on his chin as he tried to listen to yet another summary of a mission report.

It was one of the open meetings, those you were allowed to attend as well. You never said much, only hurriedly taking notes. But he could tell that you were observant and that you were well aware of everything that was going on around you. He liked watching you work.

Then came Anakin and Ahsoka and the report of their mission. They had mostly gathered intelligence this time, observing the separatists’ advancement in the so far neutral areas. The advance of the separatists worried him.

“Troubled you are, young padawan,” Master Yoda spoke, “On your mind what is?”.

“They killed the village, Master Yoda,” the young girl told them, the grief clear in her eyes, “They just … burned it all down. Even the children …”

The Council remained silent in contemplation. His heart clenched at her story. This was not something one should ever have to witness, certainly not a young padawan.

His heart clenched again, out of rhythm, and he froze. That was not him. His gaze flew to your form at the end of the room and he was surprised to notice that it had been _you_ – your aura was full of grief and worry and he had taken your feelings unto himself. His own worry was almost overshadowed by yours and he did not know what to do about it.

It was considered a taboo by the Jedi to invade other people’s minds and feelings unless absolutely necessary and he certainly had not done it intentionally which worried him even more. He had unconsciously reached out to you, feeling your emotions as his and he was scared to delve further into the subject of why.

At the same time, he wanted to reassure you. To let you know that it would be alright and that the war would be over soon, that he would do anything to make sure you would never have to witness anything like it. It made him dizzy.

He did not really take note of the rest of the meeting, too focussed on _not_ sending calming waves to you but rather to softly detangle his force from yours without you noticing anything. Thank the stars you were not force sensitive otherwise you would have long noticed that something was amiss.

As the meeting ended, the participants left the council chamber and he used the opportunity to catch up with his friend. “I’m glad that you’re back safe, Master,” Anakin told him, “I have to admit I was a little worried. You were stretched thin these last few months.”

There were times when Anakin teased him about his supposed age and his lessening stamina (all jokes between friends) and then there were times when he was being honest. This was the latter. Obi-Wan wanted to reassure his former padawan that there was nothing amiss, that he was fine, just tired and glad to rest. They were in the great hallways now, enormous pillars flanking their way over many levels as they descended the stairs.

That was when he spotted you. He could not help it anymore, it was like your force signature drew him in wherever he went. You were talking to Ahsoka, your delicate brows furrowed and you seemed unhappy somehow. He actively had to hold himself back from reaching out through the force. But another force signature distracted him and he turned around.

Master Yoda and Master Windu were waiting for him, Windu waving him over and Obi-Wan knew that it could not be a good sign.

*

He was tired now. Most of the time he was just tired.

“Knock, knock.”

He had hardly slept, only watched last night as the sun had sunken in the horizon and as it had risen this morning. He was glad that the office you were occupying was just dimly lit, only ever being flooded by light when the sun was on its descent. You were sitting at your desk, doing some report or other.

At his greeting, you looked up and smiled. It brightened up your whole face and it made him feel even worse. He had looked forward to spending time with you. It had become a regular fixture in his everyday life. Whenever he was ‘home’ for longer periods of time, you two would meet up. Sometimes it would be for just a few minutes, sometimes for hours. He liked it.

Jedi never really got to mingle with people outside of the order, not that was something bad, but he found it refreshing to talk to someone who had such a different life experience. He found _you_ refreshing.

And from the happy look in your eyes, he could gather that you liked the meetings too.

When he did not return your happiness, your smile fell again, already knowing what was happening, “You’re leaving again?”

“They spotted Grievous in the Outer Rim,” he offered for explanation and stepped into your small office space. There was a desk and a chair you were currently sitting on but otherwise the room was completely empty, as per Jedi standard.

“Of course,” you nodded, brows lightly pulled together as you watched him. Then you added, cautiously almost, “What’s wrong?”

He did not say anything. How would you be able to understand? How would he be able to put into words just how exhausted he was? He could not burden you with what was weighing on his mind. Jedi were not trained to share their problems, their burdens. They had the force to balance them, there was no need for interpersonal exchange to deal with these things.

Yet, he remained rooted to where he stood. He could not leave either. This was the last time he would see you for however long and he _wanted_ to see you, hear you, just a little longer. Suddenly he was grateful for the long walk you had taken yesterday.

You stood up from your place behind the desk, revealing the light blue gown you were wearing.

(He would have smiled, had the weight on his mind been a little lighter. He teased you about it sometimes, how your glittering dresses that were so pretty and so _Coruscant_ confused the Jedi and padawans around you. You had laughed at him good-naturedly. Now though, he thought perhaps you only wore the dresses so he would tease you some more but that was only wishful thinking of course).

Without saying anything you passed him and went straight to the door and closed it, sealing the both of you in the small space. He could sense you behind him, your eyes burning into the back of his head but he did not move. He did not know if it was because he didn’t want to or because he couldn’t but it had the same result either way.

Maker he _really_ did not want to leave again.

“Obi-Wan, are – are you alright?”, you asked again, your voice so unsure and he could feel the worry off of your aura, “I would like to think that we are friends. And, as a friend, I feel like there is something on your mind.”

He did not have to see you to know that you had that look in your eyes that would send shivers down his spine. You always looked like you cared and the more he got to know you the more he knew that you really did. You cared about him. And he cared about you. As a friend. Like friends did.

With a numb feeling in his chest, he sat down in your chair. It was the only one in the room but he knew you would not be displeased. “Sometimes it is just too much,” he mumbled. He allowed his shoulder to slump forward, “I’m tired,” he confessed, “I am tired of war. This is not what I am, this is not what the Jedi stand for. I do not want war. I never wanted it and yet I have been fighting for two years leading good soldiers to their deaths and there is no end in sight.”

He did not know where all these words came from. But once the first had left his mouth the others followed unprompted and there was no holding them back. Once he was finished with his tirade he felt out of breath, his hand holding his chin.

You did not immediately reply and he felt your inner conflict – your emotions so loud they were almost deafening. What would you think of him now? The once so strong Jedi brought to his knees by nothing other than his own thoughts. You had said that you were his friend but what if he had overshared? You came from a family of ambitions, you had said yourself you were raised to achieve success. Would you judge him for his lack of ambition?

But then you surprised him like you always did. There was a determination in your eyes and aura as you walked over to him. He followed you with his eyes and then you sat yourself sideways on his knees. _You were sitting in his lap._ He froze, eyes wide as plates he was sure. You were so close his brain went into an involuntary overdrive. Maker, what was he supposed to do?

This was way too close. Surely, this was not allowed in the Jedi Code, right? The other masters would frown at him if they found them like this. They would frown at how close you were to him, how he was able to feel the warmth of your body through the layers that were separating you, how your proximity alone calmed him down. You smelled like home and his arms raised on their own accord and pulled you closer to him.

You slung your arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. With you sitting like that, he was at the perfect height to bury his head in the crook of your neck and he did. Maker curse him but he did it. He had not slept in more than 30 hours and the coming mission would rob him of more sleep, that was guaranteed. He was allowed to seek the calmness where the force presented it to him, was he not?

His nose brushed against your pulse point and he noticed how soft your skin was, how warm you were. Why had he not done this earlier? Why were you this close only now? His arms tensed around you and he pulled you closer still, so that you were fully sitting in his lap now, not precariously perched on his knees. He was already wearing his armour plates, prepared to leave for the spaceport any moment now and he worried that it would not be comfortable for you but you did not make a sound.

One of your hands was in his hair, slowly scraping the delicate skin there and he sighed contently. His beard brushed against your neckline and he spotted goosebumps on your skin.

He did not know how long you sat like this but he knew he did not want to let you go.

When you pulled back a bit he wanted to hold you there. His hands flexed on your back and you smiled gently. Your hands went to his beard, scraping the hairs there and he closed his eyes. It had never occurred to him how rarely he had been touched until you came into his life and had brought that physical affection with you.

“You are the strongest man I have ever known,” you whispered, your voice like a prayer in the quiet temple, “You give so much of yourself to everything you do and I admire you for that. This war is not your fault, Obi-Wan, it is not your responsibility to shoulder alone. You will go on this mission and you will succeed and then you will come back to m- to the Temple, alright? Promise me, you will come back.”

“I promise,” he whispered, staring into your eyes and something in him shifted.

It occurred to him then that this was what he was fighting for now.

 _You_ were what he was fighting for.


	3. The Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a particulary hard mission, Obi-Wan is designated to attend a dinner at the Chancellor’s residence. But the evening turns out to be much more fun than he thought it would.
> 
> Warnings: Palpatine is a bitch, reader is made uncomfortable, other than that only fluff and some more yearning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy reading this! This is the part that takes place before Play Pretend, so the next part will finally deal with the aftermath of what happened between the two of them. Please note that this is the last part before my hiatus until mid-July (publish dates can be seen on my masterlist). As always, feedback, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated, so don’t be shy!

Sometimes Obi-Wan wondered just how much more stuff he would get done if he would not constantly get dragged into Anakin’s shenanigans.

Although to be fair, this was – for once – not exactly Anakin’s fault.

The chancellor had invited the young Jedi Knight to a private dinner in his residences. A bunch of other politicians would attend as well and it was nothing extremely out of the ordinary. The Chancellor did these kinds of things every few weeks, inviting other guests each time. Obi-Wan assumed it was a way to ensure that he would remain in their good graces but he did not care. There was a war to be fought and to be won. He had no time to meddle in politics in his free time.

But once the Chancellor had described Anakin as the delegate of the Jedi Council on this dinner, said Jedi Council was up in arms to make sure that the Chancellor would not get his way. And so, they had sent him as well. Master Kenobi, official envoy of the Jedi Council. To say that he was displeased would be an understatement. He had just arrived back from a battle in the Outer Rim, not even left the ship yet before Master Windu had informed him of his new-found duties.

He had only wanted to sleep.

A thorough shower to get the grime and sand off him, maybe read a few pages and then sleep. It would not be long until the next battle had to be fought and he wanted to make the most of the few hours of freedom that he had been granted. Deep down, he knew that this thought was selfish and greedy, qualities he tried his best to avoid or to counter in his everyday life. Those were not the desires a Jedi was supposed to have.

Lately, he had had a lot of those.

On his way back, he had wondered how soon he would be able to see you again. He wanted to take you on another walk through the gardens. Would you hug him again when he returned? This was still one of his favourite memories when he mediated. He had felt eerily calm when you were in his arms, something he had only ever achieved after hours and hours of meditation. You did not even have to talk, just your presence would be enough to soothe his mind. In the restless nights on the ship, his thoughts had more and more circled around you, around your smile, your eyes, the way you laughed when he told a joke, how your hands had felt on his.

And then they drifted further … how your hands would feel on him when nothing was separating you. How _his_ hands would feel when he touched your bare skin, how you would sound when he drove into you, again and again, and again until you would come around him, screaming out his name and he would –

He had felt shame when he had spilt in the shower thinking about you in his arms.

And yet, he could not stop himself. He yearned for your presence and these few hours of free time that had been promised would have been the perfect opportunity to seek you out again.

Instead, he had to make small talk with a group of politicians whom he probably all despised and, worst of all, he had to keep Anakin in check.

There were many faces in attendance that he knew. Padmé was there, all kind smiles in her Naboonian robes as she chatted with Anakin and Senator Organa. There were a couple of other senators present whose faces he recognized but he really did not have any desire to make small talk. His skin still felt like it was itching from the sand in his robes, although he had put on new ones as soon as he had been back in his rooms.

The lavish apartment of the Chancellor had been decorated beyond recognition. The whole dinner was set up like a stylized party, everything was glittering and oozing luxury. It made him feel slightly uncomfortable, this needless show of expense for nothing more than a few random people. But they wanted to feel special, everyone on Coruscant did, and so the guests had followed the theme of luxury and were wearing their best robes and dresses, showing off their wealth and status.

He and Anakin really stuck out with their simple Jedi robes.

In the dining room, the long banquet table had been set and as some guest were already sitting down, so did he. Before he could take the seat next to Anakin, however, he spotted little cards on the empty plates. Fixed seating arrangements, how he disliked them. Obi-Wan already dreaded whoever would be seated next to him and talk his ear off for the entirety of the dinner. He only hoped it would not be one of the young and up and coming ones, they never learned how to keep silent.

He walked down and around the table until he finally found his place, down the end of the table as far away from Anakin and the chancellor as possible. Of course.

With a sigh he sat down, sneaking a glance on to the card next to his. That was when he saw your name and his heart sped up. Someone cleared their throat and there you were, standing in the archway to the dining room and smiling at him.

You were wearing a beautiful dress. It was glittering all over the place with a strange pattern on top of it. While it was floor-length the neckline was deep enough that he swore if you bend just a little too far you might accidentally bare yourself for everyone to see. There were two slits in the white skirt, showing off your legs. A cloak was draped around your shoulders, beautiful patterns adorning it, shielding you from the chill and probably being the one clothing item that covered you the most.

You looked like you fitted in with this unofficial Coruscant royalty.

His mood immediately improved upon seeing you.

Since your talk in your office, he had not seen you. And apart from your presence in his thoughts and dreams, he had not heard your real voice for quite some time. This was a surprise which he welcomed wholeheartedly. An entire evening sitting next to you? Knowing how much you disliked politicians as well?

“Master Kenobi,” you greeted him with a small smile, “I am so pleased to see you here. I didn’t realise that you had been invited too.”

He stood up immediately. He was never one to forget his manners and he certainly would not start now. With a slight smile, he pulled out the chair for you and you went to sit down. You smiled up at him in thanks and he sat down again, angling his body more towards you. “It was a … rather spontaneous decision by the council to send me here.”

“I see. Well, be that as it may, I am relieved to see that I have at least one decent conversation partner this evening,” with a conspiratorial whisper you added, “These dinners can get quite boring, you know.”

Over the first course, you talked a little about what he had missed during his absence – not much really, but he enjoyed the way your eyes lit up when you told him something that you thought he’d find funny or interesting. Most of the politicians around you took little interest in the Jedi and the Secretary when there were more important people present whom they wanted to impress. Obi-Wan did not mind one bit. And he felt his cheeks heat up as he caught himself staring at your neckline more than a few times.

The second course was served, a rare delicacy served in tiny portions on huge plates. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw your smirk at the ridiculous presentation and, in turn, could barely conceal his smile as well. That was when the Chancellor, at the far end of the table, spoke up, “My darling niece, don’t you think you are being quite rude?”

You looked up, clearly confused, “I – What?”

“Well none of the other guests are wearing their cloaks,” he gestured around the table, “In fact, I have been informed that in Senator Liptu’s cultures here, it is considered incredibly offensive to wear travel garments when one is a guest.”

“It’s not a cloak really, uncle,” you explained calmly, “It is more a part of the outfit, you see?”

But your uncle did not budge. He only smiled patronizingly at you and waited. Obi-Wan remembered how you had mentioned that your family had always been more ambitious than you were, that you did not care for their political ambitiousness and that they did not care for your not-caring.

“You would not want to be rude, now would you?”

You did not answer, visibly gritting your teeth. There was a red flush to your cheeks. The atmosphere had grown tense now, many of the guests clearly looking to see what the fuss was about. Obi-Wan did not need to search the force to feel your embarrassment at all the unwanted attention and the helplessness you felt at the same time.

He did not know what to do. It angered him, seeing you so desperate and not being able to help you. But how could he help you without making it worse? Anger was not the way of the Jedi and so he tried to even his force, to breathe in deeply and settle his feelings. But when he felt your distress, the ugly feeling would still not go away.

Reluctantly, you took off your cloak, handing it off to the servant that had been patiently waiting beside you.

Now he was faced with creamy skin on bare arms and bare shoulders, your skin glinting in the light of the chandeliers. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was aware that he was staring at you, quite rudely too, but he could not for the life of him take his eyes off you. Curious eyes met his and he swallowed harshly before avoiding your gaze and going back to cutting his vegetables.

The other guests around the table slowly returned to their own conversations, the strange moment forgotten for the sake of wine and good food. Next to him, he could still feel your embarrassment. Your unease was practically jumping onto his aura and he resisted the urge to lay a hand on your thigh, just to calm you down.

“It’s a beautiful dress,” he murmured quietly, trying somehow to make you feel more at ease, “With or without the cloak.”

You did not say anything but your aura warmed considerably and if that calmed him down just a little bit, no one had to know. Anakin was too busy discussing the current development of the Clone Wars with some of the politicians on his side of the table, he would not notice if his Master stared at the beautiful woman next to him for a moment too long.

The discussion on the current war front grew until the whole table was involved in the same conversation. Everyone defended their different opinions, some only different in nuances while others took on a whole different side. Anakin was right in the midst of it, unsurprisingly, passionately arguing his points.

Obi-Wan wondered if he should talk to him in the next few days. Jedi were not there to give their opinions and get involved in politics – they were there to keep the peace. It was something he had had difficulties in as a padawan as well but after time had passed and he had grown more experienced he understood. The Jedi Code was not always easy and it was not made to be understood it was made to be lived.

Anakin was more stubborn than him in that regard, probably because he had come into the order quite late and had a generally stubborn personality. Over the years, he had tried his best to teach his padawan the blessing of being reserved but as he watched the young man argue with Senator Amidala, it occurred to him that perhaps he had not been clear enough in his teachings.

You sat next to him, barely saying anything, occasionally sipping on your wine, but he noticed your silence as well. You sent him a knowing smile and gently indicating to his previous padawan and he suppresses a chuckle. You knew what he was thinking and it did not surprise him in the least.

*

When the dinner had given away to the more ‘casual’ phase of the evening, you had quickly fled the table, disappearing before Obi-Wan even had the chance to say something. Not that he knew what he wanted to say to you. He just knew that he needed to talk to you. Who knew when the next opportunity would arise?

Senator Organa involved him in a discussion on the battlefront in the Outer Rim instead and while he did like the gentle politician a whole lot more than the rest of the guests, he could not help but notice his impatience at getting away from the conversation.

Later, he spotted you outside, alone on the balcony. Still without your cloak, he could see the shivers on your skin from where he was standing in the dining room. “Would you excuse me for a moment?” he did not wait for Organa to reply before he made his way to you.

He was only worried about you – that’s what friends did, didn’t they?

“Here,” he mumbled and held his cloak out for you. The heavy fabric feeling rough on his hand and for a second, he worried that you might find it uncomfortable. Before any coherent thought could form in his brain on why his actions could be deemed highly inappropriate, he took the cloak back and draped it over your shoulders himself. Your breath was warm on his face as he bowed over you and he forced himself to look at your skin because if he looked at your eyes – maker, that would have been the death of him. His fingers brushed against your skin and you shuddered – probably from the cold, he tried to assure himself.

“Thank you.”

He watched as you wrapped his cloak closer around you and bowed your head down as if burying it in the fabric. The cloak was almost ridiculously big on you, fabric pooling at your feet, his cape draping around your shoulders in a way that was almost funny if it had not been so adorable. Why did his body feel suddenly so warm, seeing you like this?

He leant his back against the barrister, crossing his arms with a smirk. His gaze fell back to the guests inside, seeing the Chancellor talk to Anakin and Padmé, „I see what you meant now.”

You chuckled, shoulders moving slightly beneath the brown cloak, “Yeah, he is … not the kindest man sometimes.”

At hearing the defeat in your voice, he wanted to hug you. Hold you close to his chest and never let you go again, tuck your head under his chin and talk to you about everything and nothing.

“I heard you were not supposed to come back for another few days,” you began cautiously, your eyes meeting his, “Did everything go well? Are you alright?”

“Everything is fine,” he answered truthfully, “I came back today. A few hours ago, actually. It really was a spontaneous decision to attend this dinner.”

“Today?”, your brows furrowed and an adorable frown formed on your face, “Aren’t you tired?”

You were so close to him and he drew even closer to you. “A little, but not anymore.” He could not be tired with you around, he simply couldn’t. His fingers twitched by his side, wanting to touch you and close the remaining distance. He was too busy trying to reign in his body to also control the words that were leaving his mouth.

“Want to go somewhere more fun?”

There was a loud round of laughter from inside. Both of you turned your heads, spotting Anakin talking with a bunch. The chancellor was there too and with a note of concern, Obi-Wan recognized the look of admiration in the young man’s eyes.

However, you seemed to have a different train of thought. “Don’t you need to stay here? You are the Jedi after all …”

It surprised him that you had not refused. Then, his heart leapt in his chest because you had basically accepted his invitation and he had not even _meant_ to say it. But the more he thought about spending time alone with you, the more he was on board. The official dinner was over now, he had fulfilled his duties to the best of his abilities and he doubted that he would be able to do more than just stand around and smile anyway.

“Anakin is here so the Chancellor won’t care too much about me. Besides, I doubt the dinner can get any duller than it already is.”

A mischievous twinkle appeared in your eyes as you stepped even closer to him, your torsos almost touching, “Master Kenobi, are those words of rebellion coming out of your mouth?”

A grin spread his cheeks. Feeling younger than he had in a long time, he took you by the elbow and slowly led you back inside, “Just play along.”

*

You were leaning heavily against him, feigning a sudden spell of dizziness.

“She is not feeling well,” he explained to the Chancellor and a few guests that had noticed their early departure, “I will make sure she gets home safely.”

“Where can I find my cloak?” you asked in a weak voice, looking around for a servant to bring you your missing clothing. He wanted to smirk at your convincing act. Who would have thought you could be such a good liar?

The chancellor tutted, “Oh I am so sorry my dear, one of the servants must have spilled wine on your cloak, I will let be cleaned and brought to you tomorrow. It seems as if you have found an adequate replacement.”

There was a blush on your cheeks that he could not explain. But he did see Padmé’s smile and how she and Anakin exchanged a few words. While you kept listening to your uncle rambling on about one thing or another, Obi-Wan used the chance to talk to Anakin.

“I trust that you will be fine on your own. I don’t want to hear any complaints tomorrow.”

“Never, Master,” his friend grinned, “But tell me – I have never seen you so … worried for a mere politician. It is very unlike you. Are you sure _you_ are not the one that is unwell?”

“Oh shush, Anakin. The secretary is not feeling well and it is the least I could do.”

Outside, his speeder was already waiting for you on the landing platform. It was windy outside and with all the other vehicles racing through the air, he remembered why he hated flying so much.

With your hand in his, he helped you climb into the speeder. It was difficult with your heeled shoes and the long dress but after some shuffling, you managed just fine. You arranged your dress and his cloak around you, making sure everything was covered and that you would not freeze. As he flung himself beside you, his arms accidentally draped over your shoulders. Your legs were pressing together and you looked at him through your lashes.

“So where are we going?”

“Well, I could go for some good food.”

*

“How have I never eaten anything like it?”

“It’s a speciality. Good, isn’t it?”

He leant back in his booth, a lazy smile on his lips as he watched you. Without thinking too much of it, he had guided the speeder to one – Rex’ diner. It was packed full of people at this time of day, or rather night, and you had been lucky in snatching up a booth table. Many of the other patrons were already drunk and some were on their way there.

On the opposite side of the table, looking at him as if you had just discovered the galaxy’s largest secret, sat you. His cloak was still draped around your shoulders, the humble garment a contrast to the expensive silks and lace of your dress underneath. With the many colourful clientele that the attracted, the two of you did not draw any attention to yourself and for that he was thankful.

“It’s perfection,” you gasped and took another bite of the dripping burger in your hands. A blissful moan escaped you, so incredibly indecent that he could hardly stop the onslaught of images in his head. Each one worse (or better, depending on the standpoint) than the other.

The flush on Obi-Wan’s face reached up to his ears he cleared his throat to get rid of this sudden dry feeling. Had it gotten warmer in here? He grabbed one of the purple fries that stood on the table between you and dipped it in his green sauce.

“Thank you for doing this, Obi-Wan, it is really nice.”

“Of course, it is not hard to top whatever torture we were enduring over there.”

You grinned in response and went back to devouring the burger in your hands. It occurred to him that he had only ever seen you in the Jedi Temple or some sort of formal function, never like this. It was a nice change.

He took a moment to just gaze at you. You would have been looking every part of the Coruscant elite with your fancy dress, your hair styled in an elaborate updo. But here you were, wrapped in his cloak, strands falling around your face, hands greasy from the fast food and with a smile as bright and as warm as the Tatooine suns.

“Credit for your thoughts?”

“It is nice. This,” he gestured around the two of you, “We haven’t had a chance to talk in a long time.”

“I know,” you agreed, your smile falling just a little at the edge, “Are you alright? The last time we saw each other ...”

Although you trailed off, he knew exactly what you meant. The thought of you in his arms and his promise to come back had kept him awake most nights during the mission. That intimate moment in your office was like a dream state and he had replayed it in his head far too often than he should have. Dissecting every word you had dedicated to him, every touch of yours until he was convinced that it has been too perfect to be real. That it had been a dream.

But seeing the worry in your eyes only confirmed that it had been _real_ and not just a product of his sleep-deprived brain.

Obi-Wan found himself wishing that you could be together like this more often, if not forever.

Immediately his brows furrowed and he tried to restrain himself. The Jedi Order was his family, his very being and he had made an oath, a promise to the galaxy and to himself, and nothing should come in the way of that – not even you.

Hours passed like this. Soon the horizon became lighter with the threat of the rising sun and you decided to return home. Like the Jedi he was, he brought you up to your apartment door. He had never seen your home until now and although he knew that you did not have the same status as your uncle or Senator Amidala he was surprised just how run down the neighbourhood was in which you lived.

It was one of the more residential districts, where the people lived who did not have a successful career in politics. But with how populated Coruscant was, even the residential areas were not the safest although you certainly were not living on the lower levels. Still, he did not like the thought of you living here all alone.

It was completely silent and both of you were completely alone.

You came to a stop in front of your apartment door, looking up at him like you were unsure what to do next. And he was too. He wanted to do, to say, so many things but it was as if his whole body had just locked up, refusing to cooperate.

Your arms went around his neck then, drawing him into a hug. He felt all the tension leave his body. Your cold nose pressed against his neck and he tucked your head under his chin like he had imagined all those nights.

“I was worried about you out there,” you admitted quietly, “I know I shouldn’t be, that it is not my place, but I was. I was really worried.”

He could feel your lips moving against his skin and his hands tangled into your hair. He relished in being this close to you. There was no way he could ever let go now.

“I thought about you too,” he whispered into your hair, “More than I should have, more than I can allow myself. Maker, I swear sometimes it was the only thing that kept me going.”

For a moment he worried that it was too much. That he had revealed and laid his soul bare for you to see. And maybe he had. But you did not mind. Instead, you shifted in his arms, until your lips were pressed to his jaw and then his cheek. A simple kiss but his heart stood still. “Thank you for keeping your promise, Obi-Wan,” you breathed against his skin and disappeared into your apartment.

As he returned to the temple he could not help the grin that spread on his face.


	4. First Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan and the Reader are sent on an undercover mission to obtain some top-secret data from separatist sympathizers. While there, they have to pose as a married couple but what will you do when your cover is threatened to be blown?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the original part that was first posted and the origin of this little series.

He knew he should not be enjoying it as much as he did.

He really shouldn’t.

The longer he had known you, the more the walls around his heart had caved. He wanted to talk to you, constantly. He wanted to hear you laugh, wanted to be the one to make you laugh and it certainly did not help when you looked at him with those wide eyes like he held the whole world in his hands.

He had never considered himself to be a greedy man but not even his commitment to the Jedi Order could keep him from craving you.

So, when Palpatine had sent you – _you_ , of all people – on an undercover mission that was not without its risks, his heart had plummeted in his chest. Not because he would not get to talk to you, he was not _that_ selfish, but because it was dangerous and of all the people on Coruscant you were the one without any spying experience whatsoever. You were a glorified secretary, in your own words, content with doing paperwork and making sure that everything was running smoothly. You were not a soldier, not a politician and least of all a spy.

You were his friend. (At least that was what he tried to tell himself when he caught himself staring at you for too long.) And friends had to protect each other, right? That was it. He just had not liked the feeling of not being able to protect you as a friend should. It had been a last-minute assignment for him, Master Yoda having decided that it should be him escorting you to the planet rather than Anakin. He had been more than happy to accept the mission, not that he would ever admit that.

The goal of the mission was straightforward. The Duke of that particular planet was said to be a sympathizer of the separatist cause. And they were more than happy to store some plans for new factories in the supposedly neutral area. So it was the mission to somehow gain access to this data and find out what the enemies’ next steps were.

It had been days since you had arrived on the planet somewhere in the Mid Rim and so far, everything had been running smoothly. The plan was to pose as husband and wife – him being your husband, that is. They were known to The Duke as a couple that had a large influence in Coruscant, which was not exactly a lie, and so they had been invited to stay in his personal palace.

Obi-Wan had taken to acting like your husband like a gungan to water. It felt so natural to just keep his hands on you wherever you two went. More than once he found himself wishing it could be like this in Coruscant. In his real life and not when you had to play pretend. Because the more time passed, the more he fell for you.

The way you leaned into his touch as if on instinct, how you would touch him when he was close, how he was able to just raise your hand to his lips and you would gift him with blushed cheeks and one of your radiant smiles that he never wanted to forget. He had always known you were beautiful, but here on this stone-cold planet, accepting and reciprocating his affections, your aura was positively _glowing_ for him.

And despite the fact that you had never done anything like this, you were pretty good at your job too. Living and working in Coruscant, being surrounded by politicians and Jedi for years, you were amazing at small talk and driving the conversation exactly where you wanted it to go. More than once he caught himself looking at you in awe, his arm around your waist, as you tricked guest after guest into divulging more than they actually wanted to reveal.

The bedroom that you two shared was big and spacious, tall windows looking out over lush landscapes. It was one of the better rooms in the complex, the servant who had accompanied you to your lodging had assured you, only the best for The Duke’s honoured guests. The suite offered a large bathroom and a walk-in closet in which Obi-Wan had quickly stashed his commlink. The bed was enormous, soft blankets and pillowed everywhere and –

“Big enough for the two of us,” you had joked and he had _choked_ on air at the thought of sharing a bed with you. The thought alone of being so close to you, it was too much. There was a large sofa at the foot of the bed and he had quickly decided that _that_ was where he was going to sleep. It might be a tight fit but he would sleep calmer knowing he could protect you.

(It had nothing to do with the fact that with you lying so close next to him he would not be able to get one wink of sleep.)

That had been his mistake.

Each evening, after you had retired from some formal dinner or another, you would throw a few pillows to him and a blanket. He had learnt how to make it into a nice enough bed to get a few hours of rest each night. It was not exactly comfortable but it was better than the bunks on the ships so he would make do.

You looked tiny in the huge bed, hair falling down your shoulders as you smiled at him and wished him a good night and sweet dreams. And they were. But only because every single one of them was about you.

But this evening, as he had pulled the blanket over his body, his lightsaber safely stored underneath his pillowed, the door barged open. It slammed against the wall with a thud and all he heard was your scream before he had jumped up, hand already under his pillow.

Fortunately, he recognized soon enough that it was not a threat, at least not an immediate one, that stood in their room and so his weapon remained hidden.

“I am so sorry, ma’am, please forgive my intrusion.”

It was just a servant, standing on the threshold. He did not look very sorry, his eyes narrowing as he took in the different sleeping arrangements, “I bid you a good night.”

He left the room quickly, then, his footsteps echoing for a while in the long hallway. You were still standing beside your bed, eyes wide with fear and looking at him. The servant had definitely seen that the both of you were sleeping separately and it surely would not take too long before the information arrived at The Duke’s ears.

“Kriff,” he muttered and threw himself into the pillows.

*

The next morning, breakfast was tense. You were sitting next to him, dressed in an overly glittering dress with a neckline that would be considered scandalous even for Coruscant standards. You were beautiful, the dress emphasizing your figure in the most delectable way and when he had first seen you that morning his cheeks had tinted pink beneath his beard, not knowing where to look. He wondered if those were your own dresses or if someone from the spy department had made them accessible to you.

It was clear that you had made an effort to fit in with the other women at the table, trying to draw as little attention to the pair of you as possible. Of course, it was an idle attempt. Your beauty would outshine a large part of the guests and Obi-Wan was not the only one who recognized that. His arm was slung around the back of your chair, fingers drawing patterns on your bare skin. It was soft and warm and it reminded him of the day in the garden, how you had talked with him, how happy you had been to see him.

He was just making idle conversation with the next to him, when The Duke had cleared his throat, drawing the attention of his guests to him.

“I heard the most interesting thing from one of my servants this morning,” he declared. Immediately murmurs went around the table of what he could possibly mean – Obi-Wan already knew and braced himself for the public questioning that was coming his way. “Now _Countess_ ,” his eyes skipped over Obi-Wan and instead went straight to you. There was an obvious suspicion in his voice as he spoke, his eyes narrowed, “Why ever would your husband not share your bed?”

Obi-Wan felt you tense next to him, your aura growing panicked for a second. The grip that he had on your arm did not falter. Below the table, however, his hand laid itself out on your thigh, fingers spreading and squeezing to make you calm down, to let you know that he was there and it was going to be fine.

“We had a fight, a stupid fight really,” you explained with a strained smile and turned your head to look at him, “But it is all solved now, isn’t it, my husband?”

He smiled at you, proud for how good you lied, how your voice had not so much as trembled. His hand on your thigh moved to pull one of your hands to his lips. “It is, my love,” he pressed a kiss to your knuckles, ignoring how his body yearned for more. How his lips wanted to explore your skin not only on your hands but on your neck, your face.

The answer you had so expertly provided seemed to have calmed down The Duke somewhat but Obi-Wan knew better. The clock had started ticking now and they needed to get this data and they needed to get it fast.

As the conversations picked up again, you did not let go of his hand, comfortably settling it on his leg as you turned your attention to the woman next to you. It went like that for the whole day. Whenever he was close to you (which was always, to be honest), your hands were on him, obviously displaying affection for The Duke’s sake and he hoped to the force that it would be enough.

*

That evening he was lounging on his bed, well the sofa really, scrolling through his datapad. Despite the little incident this morning, he would colour this day a success. The talk around the mansion was strong and he was sure that the next few days would enable him to sneak into the office, stealing the evidence that they needed. And once the data was collected, you could get out of here and back to Coruscant.

You were still in the bathroom, showering, from the sounds of it.

The door opened and he forced himself not to snap up his eyes immediately. In the end, he could not resist temptation, no matter how much he tried. A soft towel was wrapped around your body as you tried to pull a brush through damp and tangled hair. You smiled at him, your head tilted to the side, “Is it interesting?”

 _Beautiful_ , he wanted to say, _you are beautiful_.

But you had asked him about his datapad and not what was going on his head at any given time. So, he launched into an explanation of some of the statistics and reports that he had been working on and you listened with attentive ears. He knew that you did not know what he was talking about, you couldn’t know because it was all military stuff, but you listened to him anyway, asking pointed questions and letting him know that you were interested in what he had to say. This was certainly a change from when he had to force Anakin to go over some date with him because that boy would rather throw himself off a cliff than work on statistics.

From somewhere, he could hear footsteps approaching. A servant, he thought in the back of his mind, not really thinking anything of it. They would be the one preparing The Duke’s bedroom for the night like they had done every night since their arrival.

“Obi-Wan?”

“Hm?”

“I am so sorry for what I am about to do.”

Before he could say anything, wondering what you could possibly do that would warrant an apology, time seemed to slow down and speed up at the same time. Suddenly, your body – your very _naked_ body – was straddling him, the towel on the floor and his datapad on the cushion beside him. He was too slow to react before your delicate hands grabbed his face and you pressed your lips to him with surprising strength and determination.

His arms flailed helplessly beside him, not sure what to make of the situation. What to make of the tempting feelings inside his chest and … elsewhere. They settled on your hips, in the end, your skin as soft as he had imagined. He just held you there, too afraid to admit that he wanted to _keep_ you there for as long as possible no matter what had caused your sudden advances.

The door barged open, surprising him but you did not give him a chance to turn his head. Instead, you kissed him with even more insistence. Your soft lips did wonders distracting him from the confusion that was coursing through his head.

As if initiating a passionate kiss was not enough, your hips started writhing on him, against the coarse fabric of his trousers and a moan left you. His hands flexed against your hipbones almost on their own accord, not sure if they wanted to push you away or pull you closer still. He was not sure if it was real or acting for the servant that was standing wide-eyed and open-mouthed on the threshold. It was the same one as yesterday.

That’s when it clicked for him.

You were doing this as a cover. Couples who fought, after all, always made up and what better way of convincing The Duke than to put on a show?

So, he played along with your little game and started returning your kisses and pulling you closer to him, grabbing a cheek of your ass and pulling your bottom lip between his teeth. A feeling of _finally_ flowed through him that he ignored, focusing only on you, whimpering in his arms. The line between acting and reality blurred, even more, when a hand of yours wandered around the back of his neck, burying itself into his hair, and your hips started building up a rhythm. A groan escaped his lips at just the _thought_ of you getting off on him.

He knew that you intended to act as if the both of you had not yet noticed the servant, too enthralled in your passionate embrace. But after his tongue had pushed into your mouth, fighting for dominance and winning, he could not help but notice that the servant had not yet left. The man was still standing in the door and his eyes were decidedly fixated on _you_.

However, you did not seem to notice, at all. You were too preoccupied with moving your hips on the rough fabric of his trousers, your eyes closed as you kissed him and your breath coming shallow. As the man’s eyes dropped to your ass, jealousy reared its head in Obi-Wan’s chest – it was not the Jedi way but this was a moment of pretence. Now he could pretend you were his – his to kiss, his to love, his to fuck. And maker help anyone who so much as dared to look at what was his.

As you buried your head in his neck, a kriffing _whine_ escaped your lips. You were vulnerable in his arms, he turned his head and glared at the servant,

The man swallowed harshly and muttered some apology under his breath before quickly disappearing into the hallway. One push of the force was enough to shut and lock the door and then Obi-Wan could finally, _finally_ focus on you.

All alone, he grabbed you by the nape of your neck, pulling your face to the side so he could taste your skin. He was all teeth and tongue as he explored your neck, marking you up for everyone to see. You tasted fresh from the shower, clean like a spring morning and somewhere in the back of his mind, a tiny voice reminded him that he should not be doing this. The man was gone and so was the threat. There was no need to keep going now.

But he could not bring himself to stop. Not now. Not when he had you so close as he had dreamed for weeks.

You were pliant in his arms, sighing into his mouth. Your kisses grew slower, gentler and less urgent but they still sent shivers down his spine. So this was what it felt like to kiss you and be kissed by you. It was not his first kiss by any means but it was the first where his heart threatened to jump out of his chest from joy, from relief, from _love_.

“Is … Is he gone?” you whispered out of breath. Your hips were still moving, albeit more slowly, leisurely like you were unaware of how your body moved.

The bulge of his cock straining against his pants was almost forgotten once he could finally get a good look at you. You were an absolute vision above him and he leant his head back against the cushions, just drinking you in. Your skin was glowing in the light of the lamps, your hair was all messed up, your lips swollen from his kisses and your nipples were hardened in tight peaks. He wanted to bite them, coax these little whimpers out of you again and make you see stars. Wide eyes looked at him, your pupils were blown so wide he could barely see your iris in the low light.

His voice was raspy and he nodded, “Uh-huh”.

That seemed to break the spell for you, an embarrassed blush rising to your cheeks. “Oh …”, you cleared your throat, “Then I should probably –“

You tried to sit up, bracing your hands against his shoulders. In your attempt to separate, he brushed against you. He could feel the wet heat of you through his trousers against where he wanted you most and a whimper left your lips, the flush on your cheeks travelling down your throat to your breasts.

Something in him snapped.

“Not yet,” he murmured and tightened his hands on your hips and pushed you _down_ right on to him. You squeaked with wide eyes but _maker_ if it did not turn him on how you just let it happen. You wanted this as much as he did and you let him take control.

“Come on, love” his voice was hoarse as he whispered in your ear, “Come for me.”

He was grasping your hips tight and began to move you on his crotch, helping you get off.

A mewl left your lips, head thrown back, hair falling down your back and he was stunned by how _beautiful_ you were, how pure you looked even when you were completely naked, straddling him and begging him to make you come. You were at his mercy and he loved every second of it. He was the one making you feel this way, he was the one that brought those delightful sounds out of you.

Force, if this was not what dreams were made of he never wanted to sleep again.

“Obi-Wan, please,” you sobbed, your face twisted both in pleasure and agony. Your hips twitched against him, desperate to get that friction against your clit. “Please,” you begged, “I- I can’t, I need -”

Slowly, he spread his legs further apart, forcing you to spread yours as well. Your clit was more exposed now, pressed more tightly against him and you whined in relief. “It’s alright, I got you,” he shushed, “I know what you need.”

His grip on your hips was stronger this time and he was sure it would leave bruises tomorrow morning. A reminder of how he had taken you, how he had pleasured you. With determination, he started to push and pull your body against his. He had not lied when he said he knew what you needed. Your aura was open and inviting, it was so easy to see – to feel – what you craved the most and he was happy to give it to you.

You seemed to be completely overwhelmed by the sensations. The slick between your legs coated your thighs and he groaned when he spotted a wet patch on his trousers that _you_ had left there. He was so hard it hurt but he wanted you to come first. He needed to see you fall apart at his hands and if it was the last thing he ever did.

Whimpers were leaving your lips as you buried your head in his neck. Your body went slack, allowing him to move you however he wanted to. You were trusting him to make you feel good and this feeling of control aroused him more than it should have.

When he was sure that one hand on your hip would be enough for you to follow his rhythm (you were so kriffing _obedient_ ), he lifted one hand up to your breasts. You moaned against his neck as he pinched your nipples between his finger, pulling and twisting. He wanted to see. He wanted to know if he could make you come just from teasing your breasts for hours and hours. The image of you, bound to the bed, writhing underneath him as he edged you for hours on end, popped into his mind and he groaned, a throaty sound in the otherwise silent room.

With a particularly hard thrust against your clit, you were done for. You grew quiet as your body shook and he felt the wetness between your thighs grow as he ground his cock up into you.

All was silent in the room safe for your rapid breathing.

You tried to sit up, whimpering at the pressure against your pussy. You looked positively blissed out, pupils still wide, hair a mess and mouth barely open. He had never seen anything more beautiful. He wanted to brand this image into his brain, to keep this memory safe and tucked away in his heart forever.

“You did so well, my love,” he whispered against your lips, pulling you in for a gentle kiss. You reciprocated in kind, burying your hands in his hair before slumping into him again. He pressed a kiss to your temple, hands rubbing your back soothingly as your body spasmed with the aftershocks. He loved how you trusted him, how you implicitly leaned into him, searching for his closeness, your face settled in the space between his neck and his shoulders.

“’m too weak to move,” you admitted quietly and he chuckled.

“Rest however long you need to,” he replied and continued his caresses on your back. He wanted to stay like this forever. Your aura was warm and pink like the morning sun and he felt like he could do _anything_. He had never felt this kind of force course through him and he was sure that he would not be able to recreate it with only meditation.

You shifted, brows furrowing as you noticed the very prominent bulge between his legs, “What about you?”

There was nothing he wanted more at that moment than bury himself inside you. Seeing your eyes roll back as he fucked you into oblivion. But your voice was small and tired and so worried and the love in his chest was too much. You needed sleep and rest and he would not force himself on you in a situation. “Don’t worry,” he murmured, “Just rest.”

You hummed contently, lips pressing a kiss to his neck. “Thank you for this,” your mumbled, already half-asleep. Soon your breathing slowed, your aura grew calmer and he buried his nose in your hair. When you were fast asleep against his chest, all fluttering eyelids and deep breaths, he allowed himself a few moments of just this. Imagining what a life it would be to have this every day, to have you sleeping in his arms, trusting him, caressing him as if you _loved_ him.

His chest hurt at the thought, knowing he would never be able to give you what you deserved. And that he would never be able to experience intimacy like this ever again.

Careful not to wake you, he carried your naked body into the enormous bed, covering you with the blankets so that you would not get cold. When he was sure you were as comfortable as you could be, he locked himself into the bathroom.

With a flick of his wrist, the shower turned on, hot water steaming the whole room. Beneath the stream of water, he took himself in hand, closing his eyes and recalling how you had whined, mewled, _moaned_ for him. How your body had glistened with sweat. How you had soaked through his clothes, so desperate for him to give you what you needed most. He came with a groan through gritted teeth, head thumping back against the tiles as he spilt his release.

It all came crashing down on him when he looked at himself in the mirror. What had he done? He had broken the Jedi Code, the one thing in his life which he valued above all else. He had not only betrayed himself but everything he thought he stood for. He had grown weak, giving in to temptation and passion and the way his heart warmed at seeing you.

What had he _done_?


	5. All Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of what happened last night catches up with you and Obi-Wan. In the end, love is not easy as everyone says it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left feedback on the last few parts. As always, feedback, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated, so don’t be shy!

As soon as the meeting had ended you escaped the room. It felt like you were choking either on your tears or on the feelings that threatened to well up inside of you and not for the first time did you wonder, how exactly you had ended up like this.

The mission had been a complete success and you were proud of you for finally gaining some recognition from your uncle. Although, right now, you could well do without it if it meant your heart was not breaking into two. Because that was what it felt like – like you were breaking apart piece by piece.

You had woken up that morning all alone in that big wide bed surrounded by soft blankets and pillows. The sun had been warm on your skin, shining through the big windows and you had closed your eyes against the light. You had stretched languidly, slowly chasing the tiredness out of your bones and smiled. You had smiled when you remembered what had happened before. You had smiled when you remembered what he had done and you had smiled when you remembered how he had taken control and lost it at the same time. How he had kissed you.

Until now you had thought that it had been wishful thinking on your part. These last few weeks you had known him had made it harder and harder for you to deny your feelings. He was a Jedi and it was against his very being to be as close to you as you longed for him to be. But you could not help but fall for him. His crystal blue eyes had captivated you the minute you had met him. Then there was the way his grin lit up his whole face, how cocky he could get on the battlefield and in the council meetings. He had been – still was – so different from what you thought a Jedi was – he was exciting and adventurous.

But there was also a calmness to him that you treasured more than anything else. You had enjoyed your deep conversations with him, how your walks through the garden seemed to grow longer and longer. It was only when you started to worry for him when he was away on missions that you recognized that your feelings for the older Jedi had long since surpassed any form of friendship. Now you had needed to face the fact that you had a crush on him like a kriffing teenage girl in the lake lands.

You knew that your entire family, but especially your uncle, could be manipulative at times and you were sure that he had noticed your affection for the Jedi Master. Why else would he have forced to take off your cloak at that dinner? And next to Obi-Wan no less. You had felt incredibly humiliated, not necessarily by the exposure of your skin – you had chosen that dress after all – but by the way he had so obviously made you the attention of the whole table. Your really had liked the dress but sitting next to a man whom you knew would never even feel a fraction of what you felt for him? That was just rubbing it in your face.

Shivers had run down your spine when you had recalled how he had told you that you looked beautiful, with or without the cloak. You could have sworn that there had been a blush on his cheeks but it was surely just your vivid imagination. He was a Jedi Master after all.

But he had given you his cloak and he had taken you around Coruscant at night, breaking you out of the prison that had been that miserable dinner. He had shown you his favourite diner, had made you eat your first burger, and had talked and laughed with you until the sun had risen. In the dim light of your hallway you had allowed yourself to think that maybe – just maybe – he was not as indifferent towards you as you had assumed. That maybe there was the slightest chance that he could feel the same things.

And then this had happened.

It had been a lapse of judgement on your part.

Panic and fear had driven you to take drastic measures but no matter how much you tried to fool yourself – as soon as your lips had been on his there was no pretence of professionalism. You had almost instantly forgotten that it was a show, that you were just playing pretend, that there was a servant who needed convincing. The only thing you had been able to think was that it was better than you had imagined and that you wanted, _needed_ , more.

It had been pathetic, really, the way you had rubbed yourself on him like a loth cat in heat and how you relished in the feeling of his beard on your skin. But the way he had growled your name, had taken control, had made you come with those hands and that voice of his – any sense of shame had left you in that moment.

If you closed your eyes you could still feel how his cock had strained against his pants. How he had pressed his mouth to your temple as you had fallen asleep on him. You still remembered the way his hands had felt on your back.

And when you had woken up, you had smiled.

But seeing Obi-Wan so solemn looking, your happiness had not lasted for very long. He had lifted his hands, a small stick between his fingers. “Got the data,” he had explained, “pack your things, we are leaving as soon as possible.”

You had known immediately that it meant that he had sneaked into the office during the night while you had slept. You were supposed to be happy during that time, happy that he had managed to do the thing you were aiming for these past few days. But then why had it felt like the success of the mission meant something more? Something that would not make you happy at all.

The answer had come when you were securely in your ship, lifting up into the atmosphere as the captain prepared the jump into hyperspace. Obi-Wan had not exchanged more than a few curt words with you and every time you interacted his voice sounded more and more disinterested. Each time he looked at you like that, all cold and serious, your heart cracked a little.

It had been when you were sitting in one of the seats, shut off from the cockpit, that he had finally graced you with his presence again. His hands had been folded behind his back, his posture straight as a solider and you had realized that that was what he was – he was acting like a general towards you, all formal and rigid.

“I apologize for my inappropriate handling of the situation, Secretary,” he had said, a strain in his voice you had never head before, “I promise it will never happen again. It should not have happened in the first place.”

And like that, all your dreams had shattered into a million pieces. You had been sure you could hear them over the roaring in your ears. The cloud you had been floating on had turned into a storm that had drowned you into the deep sea of sadness and despair and _why_.

“Of course, Master Kenobi,” you had replied, hoping that he did not hear the tremble in your voice, “You are perfectly right.”

Obi-Wan had only nodded and disappeared back into the cockpit, leaving you cold and alone to pick up the pieces. You had not allowed yourself to cry. You were not sure if it was because of your pride or the vast nothingness that swirled inside you.

It had been stupid of you to think that anything more would come of it. It had been stupid to think that he could actually love you. But no, your greed, your selfishness, your desire and your yearning from him had caused you to lose his friendship too.

And that was what broke your heart.

For the remainder of the flight he did not talk to you, not at all. As soon as the ramp had opened you had been faced with a small welcome committee. There had been your uncle, front and centre like always with a small smile on his lips and his body draped in the velvet robes. There had been some Jedi as well, Master Windu being the one you recognized first as well as Master Skywalker and his padawan.

But no matter how excited you had been this morning, you had been in no mood to talk to any of them. You heart had felt heavy in your chest, like it was pressing down onto your stomach trying to escape your body to stop making you feel this pain.

“Congratulations, my friends,” you uncle had greeted you, arms wide. You had known that Obi-Wan had to be behind you, with the way they had all eyed you it was obvious. But your eyes remained on the floor, unable to look at any of them, acutely feeling the bruises on your skin that Obi-Wan had left there the previous night.

Obi-Wan had stepped beside you, careful to not touch you in any way, “The mission was a success.”

It hurt. The way that he so obviously did not want to touch you and you had to suppress a new wave of tears threatening to spill down your cheeks. One would have thought that hours in a cold sterile spaceship would be enough to get rid of the heartache …

The small group had started to walk somewhere. You had not really known but you followed anyway. Your uncle had walked beside you, asking you some questions that you might have answered. Your voice had sounded strange to your ears, as if it was not really you that was answering them but someone else. Was it not ironic that all your life you had strived for your family’s recognition and now that you had it, it meant nothing?

In the small meeting room, Obi-Wan had proceeded to deliver a whole report of the mission. His voice did not falter once. He had been in control the whole time. _Like he had been in control of me_ , it had shot through your head and you had tried to shake the memories away.

Some essential details had been left out and for that you were thankful. It was enough to feel the shame yourself, you did not need the judgment of politicians and Jedi and your uncle for that.

Seeing him this unaffected, this … _normal_ , it had broken your heart. Perhaps it _had_ just been a mission for him. Jedi would do everything to keep the peace and perhaps he had taken that burden on himself to protect the Republic. Perhaps you were nothing more than that – a burden.

But why had he enjoyed it then? Why had he called you _love_ , and kissed you when there had been no threat? Why had he pleasured you when there was nothing that forced him to do it? Why had he initiated it? It simply made no sense.

You had hoped that your sadness went largely unnoticed and for the most part it did. Only Skywalker’s young padawan had eyed you worriedly but you had ignored her. Your uncle had kept talking and talking about such things and these things and that was how you had ended up like this, hurrying out the room as quickly as possible as the days events replayed in your mind.

What wouldn’t you give for simply laying in your bed and wallowing in the self-pity that you felt?

When the others around you stood up, you took it as a sign that you were allowed to leave as well. Like most times when there was nothing urgent going on, the people lingered making small talk or talk about one issue or another. But you had no desire to be in a room with him any longer and you doubted that you had the strength to as well.

“If you would excuse me,” you mumbled and exited as quickly as possible. People let you pass, probably because you did not give them much of a choice. Nothing could have kept you in this room longer than absolutely necessary.

The hem of your dress trailed on the floor and you grew more and more frustrated with how it hindered your quick getaway. The hallways were blissfully empty, thank the stars, as you rushed toward the exit. You would be able to get a cab to your apartment and then there would be nothing to keep you from sobbing your heart out.

Someone called your name.

It was him – of course it was him – and despite how your promised yourself to remain unaffected, you stopped walking. The command he had over your heart and body was annoying and unhealthy, you tried to tell yourself as if it had not been your choice to wait for him, the hope in your heart the true traitor. He caught up to you quite quickly, not even out of breath while you felt your heart might combust at any moment. Although that was probably not from physical strain but the absolute nervousness that was wrecking you.

Hearing him say your name, out of breath like that, still made butterflies flutter in your stomach. If you closed your eyes you could pretend that both of you were still in that dimly lit bedroom, in each other’s arms, kissing until your lips tingled.

“Secretary,” he started and there it was again, back to the formalities, “I just – I wanted to clear something up. I think it might be better if we do not see each other anymore. Outside of our professional occupation, I mean.”

You hated him. You hated him for how nonchalant he could sound. How he so easily broke off everything that had made your relationship to him special. How he not only rejected your affection, your _love_ , but also your friendship.

You truly had lost him now. There was no coming back from this, no turning around and pretending it had never happened. It _had_ happened and it had destroyed everything.

You looked at him, studied him with the dark circles under his eyes, his ruffled hair and wrinkled clothes. He was so different from the man who had cradled you to his chest and told you to rest, to not worry about pleasuring him.

And yet he was the same.

With a heavy heart, you swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded.

“I understand,” you mumbled, proud that you voice did not break, “Goodbye, Master Kenobi.”

A small part of you hoped that the words hurt him as much as they hurt you. You lifted your head, chin up and walked past him. Glad that he could not see the silent tears streaming down your face.

“Goodbye, Secretary.”

*

Watching you walk away was one of the hardest things Obi-Wan ever had to do.

It felt like his heart had actually split into two. How could it not? He was caught between you and the life he had always known, the life he cherished and loved – what was he supposed to do?

He remembered how you had looked this morning, sleep still in your easy, lingering in the bed. The look in your eyes had been all drama and hopeful when you had spotted him, your skin practically glowing. Oh, how he had wanted to touch you. To reach out with body and mind and make you his.

But he had responsibilities. He had an Order he belonged to, rules he needed to adhere to. He was a Jedi and any form of attachment was strictly forbidden. It was the first thing he had learned, he most important thing he had leaner din order to become connected with the force. How could he betray that?

No matter how he felt he could accomplish with you by his side, he could never betray the Order like that. Expect that he could and the he had. And the guilt eating away at him was too strong so he had done the only right thing – he had pushed you away, hoping that it would right this wrong he had committed. That thought irked him though. You were not wrong you could never be wrong. Not with the way your aura shined so pure, how happy you were and how you genuinely seemed to care for him. Someone like you could never seem to be a mistake.

And so, it did not seem to matter what he chose, he still felt guilty.

The longing did not stop either. If anything, knowing what you felt like, sounded like, tasted like had only made it worse. He longed for you. He had longed to hold you on the ship, to hug you to his chest and tell you that it would be alright. That you would find a solution to all of this.

After all, he had had other relationships of sexual nature before. It had not been a big deal. But he also knew that he had had no attachments to them. No feelings whatsoever., it was always just a simple release for both parties involved. With you it was different. There had been an attachment growing before you had kissed and the events that followed only seemed to manifest that.

So, consequently, he had done the right thing by cutting off any contact and therefore removing himself from the danger of this attachment. It was the only right thing, right?

Right?

For the first time in a long time, Obi-Wan Kenobi felt all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to check out my tumblr! @maybege


	6. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weeks after you last talked to him, your heart still aches for Obi-Wan Kenobi. But he does not feel the same and you have to live with that. An explosion on Coruscant finally reveals brings you two closer together …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! Thank you so much for the feedback to the last part. I hope you like this one as well; as always, comments reblogs and everything else is greatly appreciated so don’t be shy!
> 
> Warnings: a little heartache in the beginning and lots of fluff in the end, also a little bit of dirty talk/discussion of sexual themes

Weeks passed without you talking to him.

People said that time healed all wounds but you were still hurting the same way the day he had told you that you should not have any contact. Food tasted bland, colours were just faded and life seemed to be a lot less enjoyable than it used to be. Not to forget that working at the temple was now pure torture.

You felt like a kriffing teenage girl whose heart got broken and it angered you. No man should ever hold such power over you. You were stronger than that. You had to accept the fact that he did not feel the same way, that he did not want you the same way and that that was alright.

Not every story had a happy ending and maybe yours was one of those.

Your whole family had celebrated your successful mission, finally deeming you on the path to a promising political career. They had not noticed your predicament or perhaps they did not care. Either way, when your uncle suggested a new mission you had refused before he had been able to end the sentence. There was no room left open for discussion. Never again would you be part of any kind of mission. He had seemed oddly pleased at that.

Maybe it was because you were afraid of failure or maybe you wanted to keep this your only mission. Your only memories would be of him and your time together.

As if you did not hate yourself enough.

Currently, you were observing a meeting in the senate. Some Jedi were discussing weapon exports with a few Senators and Master Windu had asked you to come along. While they kept droning on about different routes and such, you were taking notes of what you deemed to be the most essential points.

Obi-Wan was there as well which had surprised you because he had been mostly on missions these last few weeks. Some of the librarians had rumoured that he was the one with the most mission counts in the last two months and that he made no signs of stopping. You glanced over to him briefly, watching how he thoughtfully stroked his beard. You could not help but worry. He was so stressed all the time and his eyes seemed a little duller than usual. Had he gotten enough sleep?

Immediately, you cursed yourself for letting yourself get distracted – by _him_ of all people – and focussed back on your datapad. It was not your place to worry for him, it never had been, and you should not pine after someone who did not like you back. It was unhealthy.

“Secretary, have you noted that down?” Master Windu’s voice pulled you back into reality and you looked up from your notes, trying very hard to look as concentrated as you possibly could.

“Yes, Master Windu, I have,” you replied.

“Well then, if all is settled, I would adjourn this meeting. Thank you for your time.”

The group broke up, the senators returning to their offices and the group of Jedi Knights heading back to the transporters that would take you to the temple.

You walked in the front with Ahsoka, the young padawan entertaining you with one of her stories. She was a joyful young woman and it was always to listen to her stories about what Skywalker and Obi-Wan had been up to.

Some of the others were behind you and you tried not to be too aware of Obi-Wan’s presence and his voice that was just _right_ behind you. He was not looking at you, he never was, and you need to _get over it_ for star’s sake.

Heading for the speeder, you could already see the crewmembers preparing for take-off. There was a loud crash somewhere to your side. Confused you turned your head but at the same moment, your body flew to the side. You could feel your feet leaving the earth and your body being propelled several feet to the side. Was that an explosion?

You tried to soften your landing with your arms but it was already too late. It was like you were outside of your body as your temple crashed into the cold stone, a scream tearing out of your throat.

What was happening?

There was the sound of lightsabers being activated and you could hear people shouting from afar but you were too confused to do anything. Where was Ahsoka? Was she alright?

You blinked, trying to get your eyes to focus. There was smoke – from the explosion, you gathered – but you could for the life of you not turn your head around. Pain erupted in your body and you winced.

Obi-Wan appeared in your vision suddenly. His eyes were wide and his hair mussed up. There was a dark spot on his cheeks – ash or something, you thought. He looked so worried and you frowned. Was he worried for _you_?

“Darling, can you hear me?” there was a hand on your cheek, “You need to stand up, can you do that for me?”

Words were hard to understand and even harder to speak. Why was your throat so dry? Was there a fight going on? Why were you here again?

There was an arm under your back, pulling you up to shaky feet. You felt dizzy. Your vision was still blurry as you chanced a look around. You could see lightsabers and heard the tell-tale sounds of blaster fire. What was going on? You spotted Ahsoka in a one on one match. You uncle was nowhere to be seen.

Instinctively you stepped closer to the man next to you and Obi-Wan adjusted his grip on you. His arm wrapped around your waist as he held his glowing lightsaber in the other. He looked around hastily, obviously in fight mode. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew you should get going to – well, to _somewhere_. But standing was hard and you were leaning most of you weight onto the Jedi Master.

“What’s going on?” you mumbled, “Where – What is happening?”

He turned around, crystal blue eyes gazing at you. It was the first time he had looked at you in weeks. “I need you to get to safety, alright?” he said, an edge to his voice you had not heard before, “I will cover for you but we need to be quick.”

You managed a nod and then he took off. He pulled your head into the crook of his neck, shielding you from seeing whatever was unravelling around you. Your heart was beating painfully in your chest and there was a thrumming in your head. There was movement around you and suddenly, Obi-Wan pushed you into a transporter.

As he went to move away, your grasp on his arm tightened. You blamed your worry on the hit to your head and not any underlying feelings. “What about you?”

He stepped closer to you, hand cradling your neck and why was he looking at you like that again? “I am needed here, darling.”

“Be safe … please be safe,” you hated yourself for how soft your voice had gotten but you were tired and probably had a concussion and he was in danger. What if – What if he got hurt or worse? What if this was the last time you would ever see him?

There was a small smile on his face. Not even a full one, just his lips quirking up at one corner of his mouth. He looked sad, somehow, as his thumb brushed over your jaw, “I promise.”

*

The transporter took you back to the Jedi Temple where you were received by some of the healers who were already waiting for you.

As they led you to the healing halls you wondered who had had the time to inform them of your coming but news spread fast in the capital and you were not in the mental state to think any more of it.

It was determined quickly that you had a slight concussion and some scrapes but it was nothing major. The nurses put a bacta patch onto the wound on your temple and you winced at the contact. “You should rest for a few days,” the healer recommended to you in a kind voice, “Make sure to drink lots of water and avoid exposure to bright lights for the next 48 hours.”

With that, you were dismissed.

You debated for a moment if you should wait in the temple until Obi-Wan (and the others, too, of course) would come back but ultimately decided against it.

You were not ready to admit that you still had feelings for him, that nothing had changed in your heart. The way he had looked at you, as if he had been truly worried for you. _As if nothing had changed._ Your heart clenched in your chest. You were not ready to get hurt again by the same man.

So, you returned home, taking one of the fancier (read: safer) cabs.

Your apartment was still cluttered from when you had left it this morning but with what had happened just over an hour ago, it felt like an eternity. Quickly you went around the perimeter of your living space, closing all the blinds on your windows. It left your apartment only dimly lit, but with how your eyes were hurting it was only barely tolerable, almost still too bright.

In your bedroom, you put on your softest nightdress made of white cotton that fell off your shoulders. Following the nurse’s instructions, you made sure to take some sips of water and put the glass on your nightstand before crawling into your big bed.

You put on a holofilm on the lowest brightness and volume setting.

You were not sure if you had dozed or fallen asleep but a loud knocking – almost banging – on your front door startled you out of your trance. You sat up quickly, not anticipating the wave of dizziness that washed over you at the sudden movement. As you sat on the edge of your bed, trying to get your bearings, the knocking became louder and you furrowed your brows.

Who would come knocking at this time? And so urgently too.

“Who’s there?” you called as you went to take a small blade out of the side table next to the door. There was no answer but the knocking ceased. Strange …

Cautiously, you opened the door just a bit to take a peek outside and almost let the blade fall from shock.

It was Obi-Wan.

You opened the door fully now, still not believing your eyes. He looked like he had come straight from the battlefield. His robes had scorch marks on them and his hair was matted against his forehead. He watched you with dark eyes as his chest moved in deep breaths. “May I come in?”

You stepped aside, your movement answer enough, and put the blade back on the side table. He was standing in the middle of your living room and it occurred to you that the sight of him in your home was something you could get used to.

“I need to know you are safe,” he stated.

You nodded, still a little confused and bleary-eyed, “I am.”

He looked like he wanted to say more. As if there were words on the tip of his tongue just waiting to be spoken and you waited for them as well. Why was he here? You crossed your arms, trying to fight off the sudden chill and hide your nervousness at his presence.

“I am sorry,” he choked out, “For everything. For lying to you about how I feel. For letting you believe that there was nothing between us, that it was a mistake. It wasn’t a mistake, darling,” his eyes caught your gaze and you forgot how to breathe, “It was _everything_ and I shouldn’t have rejected you like I did when the truth is …” his voice trailed off.

“What’s the truth?” you wanted to know, although there was already a suspicion in your mind and _stars_ you hoped that it was true, “Obi-Wan –“

He launched at you then, his hands framing your face and pulling you to him. You squeaked in surprised as his lips landed on yours, kissing you fiercely. You melted into him almost immediately, you could not help yourself. He _felt_ for you. He felt for you what you felt for him, you just knew it. This was his way of telling you, of admitting to you that he was sorry and that it would be alright.

You buried your hands in his hair and tugged him closer to you. Obi-Wan groaned loudly before biting down on your lower lip and you gasped. He did not hold himself back like last time. His tongue pushed into your mouth fighting against yours – well, winning, really – and your whole body felt electrified.

His hands wandered from your face down to your neck and your back, drawing you in closer. “How I’ve missed this, darling,” his voice was raspy, hands tightening on your hips and pulling your closer still. You could feel the hardness between his legs and groaned.

His lips wandered away from yours, his beard scratching your neck and when you leant your head back, baring more skin to him, your body reminded you that while, yes, Obi-Wan’s mouth _was_ as talented as you had remembered if not more, you also had a concussion. And craning your head like that would do nothing to help with that.

“Couch,” you mumbled, “Couch please, I am getting dizzy.” You tightened your hands around his neck to keep yourself steady, shutting your eyes tightly to gain some sort of balance. You did not have to see him to know that Obi-Wan instantly switched to the caring Jedi you had seen many times before. He kept his hands on your waist as he slowly walked you to your sofa and sat you down.

He took the place right next to you, one arm around your shoulders the on your hands in your lap. “What is it? What’s wrong?

“Just a concussion,” you tried to assure him, “a light one. The dizziness will pass soon.”

“You should have told me,” his hand moved from your shoulder to your cheeks, brushing across your jawline. You closed your eyes, enjoying his touch.

“I was a little distracted just then,” you tried to tease him but he would not have it.

“I need you to tell me when you are hurt, love.”

Stars his voice was even better than in your dreams. “Promise me, you’ll still kiss me even if I’m hurt?”

“I will always kiss you,” his hands wandered from your jaw to your shoulder, moving the hair back from your neck. Pressing a light kiss to the spot just below your ear he chuckled, “I remember when there was still a bruise I had left there.” His fingers brushed over the exact spot and you remembered how it had taken days to even start to fade. He had marked you up good that night and even with the heartache you had found comfort in them. They had been proof that you had not imagined his ministrations, that all of this had actually happened.

“Maker, I loved to see the marks I left on you.”

You shuddered at how deep his voice sounded. A pang of arousal shot through you, too, and you bared your neck to him once more, “I liked having them.”

He groaned quietly but scooted back from you nevertheless, putting distance between your bodies. Your heart felt cold. No, not cold, _frozen_. Was this the moment where he would tell you again that this was a mistake? Would he leave like that? How stupid had you been to just assume – to assume that he wanted this as you did?

“I would like to talk about what happened,” he started, voice all formal like he was in the council, “To be clearer, I would like to apologize.”

Confused by where this was going, you just sat there, silently waiting for him to continue. His eyes were troubled and he leant his elbows on his knees, face turned to you.

“Breaking the Code was – _is_ not easy for me,” he admitted, “It is what I have known my whole life and while I did have moments of … doubt, my views have never been challenged the way they were when I got to know you. I thought keeping you from me would make me the better Jedi, would free me of the guilt I was feeling at my actions but – but, darling, what I feel for you is … It’s different and it’s stronger and I can’t live on pretending that it’s not there when you are all I can think about.”

It was weird, hearing him say the words you had longed to hear for so long. It felt surreal like a dream but at the same time, you were hyper-aware of everything. How his body was turned to you now, open and honest and how he patiently waited for you to process his words.

You had not imagined that he cared for you. You had not imagined the smiles he sent you, the way he touched you. No these things were all real. As real as the man sitting in front of you. His blue eyes peered at you. He seemed shy almost as if he was afraid of what you were going to say. Did he expect you to reject him?

“Since when – How long have you felt that way?” you heard yourself asking. 

“That first walk we took together,” he admitted, his voice sounding bashful but your heart flew out of your chest.

“That long?”

“How could I not? Darling, you – you have made my life so much better just by being in it. You cared and worried about me like no one else ever had and when you smile,” a small smile played on his lips at that, eyes warm on your skin, “I can’t help but be happy. “

“So, you would break the Code?” you clarified, your throat suddenly dry, “For me?”

You could not believe that you were asking this right now. That you were asking this of him. And that, above all, there was a chance that he was _actually_ willing to do that.

“I have come to the realization that I would do anything for you.”

Tears ran down your cheeks then, a helpless laugh escaping you as you threw your arms around him once more. An _oof_ came from him and he fell back into the cushions of your sofa with you on top of him.

You kissed him, enjoying the momentary power you had over him. He was willing to do this. He wanted to do this. With you. For you. Stars, you were so happy, it felt like you would explode at any moment.

His lips were soft, letting you lead the kiss however you wanted to, but when you bit on his lower lip playfully, he was done playing. With a growl, he turned the both of you around until you were the one beneath him. His body was so large he blacked out any remaining light sources from outside. You could only see him.

“You’re not the one who is in control here, darling,” he husked out, a playful smile on his face. You could see it in his eye show relieved he was, how he felt the same happiness you did and it just made everything better. Now, if he would only kiss you some more …

“Please Obi-Wan,” you rubbed your leg against his, hoping to entice him to continue whatever this was – to do _more_. You arched up against him and although one hand did stray to your breasts, circling one nipple with featherlight touches, he did not go any further than that.

His lips were down by your ear, gently kissing the sensitive skin, “No, sweet one. When I finally take you, you will need all your strength. I will take my time with you. Make you come over and over again until you can’t even remember your own name.”

You audibly gasped at his words. There was a flush to your cheeks as you tried to process just exactly what he had said. Who would have thought that the role model Jedi could have such thoughts, such plans? What else was hiding beneath the outer layer of those kind eyes and polite smile?

“For now,” he continued between kisses, “I only want to kiss you.”

And he delivered what he had promised. The whole night he kept you pinned underneath him, ravishing your lips with his in kisses that took your breath away. You were pretty sure that by the time he finally let go of you, you looked and felt as if he already had taken you against every surface of your apartment.

Each of his kisses held a promise of more and there was no way you would ever be able to kiss someone else and enjoy it, not when he kissed you like this.

You felt a bit like a teenager, lying on the couch and making out for hours and hours, but there was no shame in it, no annoyance. It was fun, exploring each other like you had all the time in the world and had the luxury of forgetting everything around you.

When the sun had disappeared from the sky and the only light source outside became the many blinking speeders, your kisses had grown soft and languid. Obi-Wan was lying in the pillows and you were cushioned on him, legs splayed over his hips and your cheek resting on his chest. It was a mirror of what the _after_ had looked like a few weeks prior.

But this time there was no rush, no conflict, no mission. It was just the two of you, enjoying each other’s breathing and heartbeat. His lips travelled from your lips to your jaw, slowly sucking the skin and you were sure that they might leave marks but you could not bring yourself to care. When he playfully dragged his teeth along your jaw you giggled from how his beard tickled your skin. He paused, then, and beamed at you with a smile that took your breath away.

It made you feel safe and warm and you allowed yourself to ask the question that plagued you since so long. “So, will you tell me about them?”

“Who?”

“That night – that was not your first sexual encounter. You were too –“ you stopped yourself, the tips of your ears feeling hot.

“Too what?” you could hear his kriffing smirk and felt the blush on your cheeks. For a man of the Jedi Order, he could be so playful sometimes and while it made your heartbeat quicken, it also embarrassed you to no end

“You were too … in control of that.”

He hummed, hands caressing your back and playing with the ends of your hair. “I did have encounters of a carnal nature before if that is what you were asking. But I never had this,” he tugged slightly on your hair and you propped your chin up on his chest, looking up at him through thick lashes. Blue eyes looked at you warmly as he added, “This intimacy. The others before you are nothing compared to what you make me feel, darling, I need you to know that.”

You raised yourself up on his shoulders the same time as he raised his head to kiss you. It was sweet and gentle and made you feel warm all over.

His commlink beeped with a sigh he let go of you to look at the display. “It is a mission,” he told you, sitting up, and rubbed a hand over his beard. You missed his body heat immediately. Following his movements, you sat up as well and rested your chin on his shoulder. Your body felt all fuzzy and liquid as if he had molten you into a warm chocolate pudding.

“Will – Will you come and see me when you are back?” you allowed yourself to ask. Your voice sounded pitifully small and weak, giving away the fear that you felt at having him leave again. The last time he left you like that, you had not spoken for weeks. But this was different and you knew that. But what if something happened to him? What if this was the mission where his overexertion finally caught up with him?

“I will. I promise,” he vowed against you lips, gently kissing you. It was silent for a few moments, both of you just basking in this feeling of pure and utter contentment.

When he stood up there was a twinkle in his eyes, as he added, “After all, I still want to mark you up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hello over on tumblr! @maybege


	7. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan returns from the mission and can finally celebrate his reunion with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fair warning: this is straight up smut. The remaining parts will be mainly fluffy and smutty and absolutely self-indulgent – canon? We don’t know her. This is a place of happiness and love and where everyone can pretend that Obi-Wan will fuck you all seven ways to Sunday and then some … As always, please let me know what you think! Feedback is always greatly appreciated.
> 
> Warnings: explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, dom!Obi-Wan, sub! Reader, naked female clothed male, fingering, dirty talk (very slight degradation and name calling), spanking (like twice), overstimulation, multiple orgasms (Obi-Wan takes this very seriously), dry humping,

He was burning with excitement.

The mission, that had been supposed to be a short 48 hours affair tops, according to Senate statistics, had stretched into weeks. Now it had been three weeks since Obi-Wan had left Coruscant, three weeks since had seen you last, all flushed on your couch, your lips swollen from his kisses and asking him to please come back.

 _Three. Weeks_.

His heart had kept aching for you and he had thrown himself into the work, putting everything into focus to make sure that it would be over soon. The whole mission he had been looking forward to returning home – returning to you.

He had managed to call you on one of the datapads a week into the mission. The way you had smiled when you recognized that it was him calling had made his heart stutter.

He had hardly believed his luck when you had let him kiss you. When you had forgiven him for how he had ruined everything.

There had been a lot of self-doubt in his mind, especially shortly after he had left you. What if his selfishness would only end up harming you? While he was not inexperienced in things of the physical side of love, he certainly was not a relationship expert. And if there was anything he did not want to do it was to ruin this all over again.

But now that he was on his way back, he allowed himself to be happy.

He would be able to see you again, to hold you close, be in the same room as you.

There was a small welcome committee there to greet him. He forced himself to focus on Senator Organa and another politician who made small talk with him. Anakin and Ahsoka were there too, talking to him but the words hardly registered in his mind. You were standing beside them, smiling slightly and the dress you were wearing had the deepest neckline and your skin looked incredibly soft.

Ahsoka, ever the attentive padawan, noticed that he had little interest in the conversation and seemed to steer Anakin toward Organa and the others. Obi-Wan heard himself telling them he would meet them later before he turned to you, his lips quirking up.

“Master Kenobi,” you greeted him with a formal head bow and just hearing your voice drove him instantly crazy. The group continued their discussions, Anakin and Ahsoka taking the lead and soon the politicians made their way into the building. He purposely slowed down, letting himself fall behind and you inevitably followed him, tilting your head in question as he led you between the gigantic pillars. The hall was empty now, the voices only a faint noise in the background.

You stood there for a moment in the dimly lit silence. He did not know what to do or to say – there was so much, too much, to be able to put into words. “You –“ your voice was small, “You are safe, yes? Are you well?

Before you could say anything more he pulled you into his arms. His forehead gently fell against yours as his hands landed on your back. “I am fine,” he assured you quietly, closing his eyes and enjoying the closeness to you. To have you in his arms after all this time ... it was indescribable.

The relief he felt soon gave away to another emotion he no longer had to repress – want.

“Maker, I have missed you,” he muttered under his breath before grasping your head in his hands and pulling you in for a kiss. There was a surprised gasp from you and he took the chance to plunge his tongue into your mouth, tasting you.

Soon, your hands came up to frame his face as well, fingers scraping over his beard, breath mingling with his.

You looked utterly dazed, leaning against the pillar, your chest heaving with every breath, “Obi-Wan …”

His hands wandered from your face to your waist, still needing to have some sort of physical contact. “I am sorry, my love, I just needed – I need,” he tried to apologize, his words just a jumble now that he had you close to him.

Your hand went to his cheek, brushing over his beard and he took a deep breath. “I missed you too,” you whispered into the darkness of the shadows, pressing yourself against him, nose nuzzling into his jaw. He closed his eyes, enjoying your touch.

Through the force, he could feel how excited you were, as excited as him at least. Your aura was thrumming with pleasure and arousal and for a moment, he really needed to think about what it was that he needed doing. Why could he not take you home right now? Why could he not show you how much he missed you again and again?

“I – I have to go to a council meeting,” he rasped out. With your mouth sucking on his skin it suddenly became _very_ hard to think straight. You hummed, and with the last bit of willpower he possessed, he pulled you away from him. “No marks, little one,” he reminded you darkly, “Not where people can see.”

“Sorry,” you breathed, “Sorry, I got carried away.” You were undoubtedly aroused by his display of strength and he vowed to himself to remember that. The way you looked at him, _maker_ , how had he ever endured to be parted from you? “That you did,” he mumbled and his face fell, “I have to go now, darling. Can I come and see you tonight?”

“Yes, would – would you like to have some dinner with me?”

“I could get something from Rex if you’d like?” he suggested, remembering your stunned expression when you had tasted the burger for the first time. You smiled and nodded and he could not contain his own smile at that.

“Then it’s a date, darling,” he murmured and pressed a kiss to your cheek before following his Jedi colleagues.

*

The moment you opened the door, he was on you.

You were wearing one of your fancier nightgowns, the one with a lacy hem and some see-through parts – the pretty one because you wanted to impress him. As soon as he had departed from you, you had rushed home to prepare everything. These last few weeks had been filled with anticipation and you just wanted it to be perfect.

When you had opened the door, the smell of Rex’ takeout had sifted through the air and had you not been this nervous, you might actually have been hungry. The second thing you noticed was that he had changed into clean robes as well. His lips were a bit chapped and while he had trimmed his beard it was still a little longer than usual – all the better to run your hands through, you thought.

You were unable to think anything more as he strode into the apartment with his usual cocky attitude and cornered you right into the sofa. He deposited the bag of food right onto the low table. You could sense his positive energy without having any kind of force sensitivity, he was beaming at you and his happiness made you giddy. In one smooth motion, you were laying on the couch while he was leaning above you, a strand of hair falling into his face as he ate you up with his eyes.

“But what about dinner?” you teased him, slinging a leg around his hip.

“Dinner can wait,” he growled and dove into your neck, kissing your pulse point.

“But – aren’t you hungry?”

“Oh, believe me,” his eyes were dark as a mischievous grin spread on his face, “I am _very_ hungry.”

One warm hand pushed your neckline to the side, bearing one breast to the open air. Your nipple immediately hardened from the cold and Obi-Wan looked at you with pure admiration in his eyes. He held the soft flesh in one hand as he murmured “I have dreamt of these” almost as if to himself. You watched as the tip of his tongue came out to circle the pebbled nub and you gasped.

Cerulean eyes kept looking at you and for the love of all the stars in the galaxy, you could not look away. His hand gently squeezed you and when you felt a hint of teeth on your skin, there was no holding back the moan that worked its way up to your throat.

With a grunt, he sat you up so he could grasp the hem of your nightgown and pull it right over your head. Obediently you raised your arms to make it easier for him. Being so exposed to him while he was still wearing his complete attire should not have turned you on as much as it did. But as his eyes raked over your naked skin you could feel goosebumps rising on your skin.

The longer he looked at you, the more nervous you got. What if he did not like what he saw? What if there was something wrong with you?

“You are perfect, love,” he praised you, hands stretching out to land on your thigh, “Have I ever told you how much I love seeing you like this?”

You shook your head, not trusting yourself to speak. Even with his reassurance, he managed to make you feel vulnerable in your own home. You did not know yet if that was something you liked or not. But as his other hand wrapped around your waist and he lifted you until you were straddling him, much like that night, and his eyes shone with adoration, you felt safe. Yes, you were vulnerable but he would take care of you.

His voice was way too casual for how excited you were as he continued, “All exposed and vulnerable like that night on the mission. Stars, you were a vision then and you are one now, don’t you know?” His hands rubbed the back of your legs, up to your waist back to your tits, giving them another squeeze.

Out of their own volition, your hips bucked against his groin and you gasped. Obi-Wan lurched forward, kissing you open-mouthed and his beard scraped against your chin. “I want to do it again,” he revealed against your lips, “And then, I want to do all the things I wanted to do that night.”

His hands wandered back down to your waist in an iron grip. You could feel the rough fabric against your clit as you spread your legs even more, trying to get somehow closer to him. At this point, you would have done anything to just keep him talking. Anything to keep him close to you like that. You were so, _so_ close. With his grip on you, Obi-Wan started building up a rhythm for you, moving you on his hips this and that way that hit your bundle of nerves just right and you keened. How could he know exactly what your body needed?

“Have you thought about it as much as I did, darling?” he breathed against your ear, bucking his hips up right into you and maker you could feel him.

“Your voice,” you gasped, grinding down into him, wanting to be closer, to feel him right _there_ , “Thought – thought about your voice and how big you felt and oh –“ Your voice drifts off as he slowly pushed you right into his cock. Even through the layers separating you, you could feel how hard and big he was. Stars, that man would be the death of you.

Obi-Wan grinned as he kissed your throat and cleavage, “Hm, you would have let me do anything to you, wouldn’t you, little one? You were so desperate I could have taken my sweet time with you and done absolutely anything to make you cum, isn’t that right?”

“Whatever you wanted,” you admitted quietly, your forehead falling on his shoulder as you panted from the near-constant stimulation, “whatever you wanted …”

His grip on your waist loosened as one hand wandered up to the back of your neck, gently holding you to his shoulder and the other wandered to your ass, giving one cheek a slap that made you cry out. Your orgasm came out of nowhere. One minute you were shamelessly dry humping him and the next you were moaning against his shoulder, body tensing as wave after wave coursed through you.

As you slumped against his chest, your body completely slack, you took a moment to catch your breath. Everything felt pleasantly fuzzy and tingly at the same time but unlike the last time, you were not tired yet. No, this felt like it had only been an appetizer of what was to come. And stars were you ready for the main course.

Obi-Wan pressed kisses to your hairline, gently rubbing your back to calm you down. “Good girl,” he whispered against your temple and you hummed, your pussy fluttering around nothing at his praise.

“Oh, you like that, huh?” he chuckled, “I will note that down for later, hm?”

Warm hands held your legs to his hips as he stood up. You followed his lead and wrapped your legs completely around his hips as your arms held on to his shoulders. Your core was still pressed tightly against the bulge in his pants and with every step he took it rubbed against you, spurring you on.

The walk to your bedroom was usually not too long but with the way he was rubbing against you, it felt like a kriffing eternity. So, you decided to pay him back and distract him as much as he was distracting you, pressing your breasts against his chest as you started peppering kisses all along his jaw and throat. “Darling,” he growled out a warning but you were too busy to nibble along his skin to really take notice.

Another slap to your ass had you yelping and jumping in his arms. It was not a hard slap by any means, just enough to make your flesh move and the thrumming between your legs increase. “No marks,” he reminded you darkly, as he soothed the sting on your backside and laid down on your bed, “At least not on me.”

When you were safely laid on the bed he straightened his posture, standing by the foot of the bed, and, once again, his eyes moved over you. The fog from your recent high lifted and you wanted him close, wanted to touch him and feel him inside you.

But he did not move even an inch from his position at the end of the bed and you grew restless. His stare on your body made everything even more intense and you squeezed your thighs together, ignoring the wet feeling and trying to relieve some of the pressure that was building up again. “Obi-Wan,” you whined, “I want you – please.”

“Not yet, little one, only when I say so, understood?”

Kriff, he should not be as sexy as he was when he was in charge. But you nodded anyway, excited to see this side of him. He had always been so in control but here? Here it seemed like he was finally able to do just exactly what he had dreamt of doing, like he had waited for this moment, and, without knowing it, you had too.

Obi-Wan crawled up on the bed and came to rest on his knees between your legs. A few hairs fell into his face as his hands pushed your thighs wide open, his eyes fixed on the wetness there. You blushed and felt incredibly exposed even though it was only you and him in your bedroom, the blinds closed so no one would be able to spy inside.

“So pretty,” Obi-Wan mumbled and his fingers wandered closer to your heat.

You closed your eyes at the feeling. His thumbs pulled your inner lips apart, opening you to his gaze, and you were sure that he could see a drop of your arousal escaping you. “So wet, what a good girl …”, he praised you and pushed one finger inside.

Your body arched off the bed, the pleasure almost too much and Obi-Wan _tsked_ at you. His other hand came down on your abdomen, pressing your sharply into the mattress so you would stay still. It made his finger hit a certain spot inside you that made you see stars and you clamped around him.

When you chanced a look at him there was a smug grin on his lips but his eyes were dark with arousal and fixed right onto the spot where he was pushing into you. He pumped the digit in and out of you in an excruciatingly slow rhythm, keeping you just on the edge but not enough to jump beyond it.

“Want another one?”

You nodded breathlessly, needing more.

“Then ask for it, little one,” he taunted you, his thumb brushing lightly over your clit.

You whined. Why did it not surprise you that he was such a tease in bed? It was apparent he enjoyed this control over you and you did too, but maker you wanted more. “Please, please, use more,” you pleaded with him, “More fingers, Obi-Wan, please I’m begging you!”

Without any hesitation he pushed a second finger inside you, the stretch something your relished in and close after a third finger joined and this time the stretch was a little much to deal with. But with how he stroked your walls and brushed your clit you opened up for him quickly. He worked you like he knew the very workings of your body and he probably did. 

Pleased, Obi-Wan pressed a kiss to your inner thigh before crawling above you, his hands not stopping his ministrations even once. You turned your face to the side, bearing your neck to him and he got the hint. He sucked and bit and licked, efficiently marking you up, and there were only quiet moans escaping you now. “I could fuck you like all day,” he whispered into your ear, “just spread you out, tie you to the bed and never stop.”

The image in your head – tied to your own bed with Obi-Wan between your thighs for hours on end – sent you over the edge. You sobbed with relief, clenching around him and waited for him to soothe you down from your high like the last time.

But he didn’t.

His movements did not once stop, instead, they became even quicker, more insistent and soon you recognized that he was hurling you right towards another orgasm. Your last one had not even ended when you felt the familiar tingling at the base of your spine. You threw your head from side to side, the feeling too much and not enough at the same time. Something like this had never happened before, no one had ever tried something like that, not even you.

“Oh please, I can’t,” you choked out.

“Only one more,” he encouraged you, kissing his way down your throat and between your breasts, “one more, my darling.”

With a bite to the underside of your breast, you came for the fourth time today. It was earthshattering, white light blinding your vision and you were not sure if you were screaming or completely silent as your mouth hung open.

“Good girl,” he cooed against your lips, sounding utterly satisfied. He seemed so pleased, so proud and you could only smile in return. His hand was still between your legs, gently rubbing your thighs. “You look perfect like this, all spread out for me,” he murmured, “You’ve been so good for me, letting me drive you over the edge as much as I want. Had I known how obedient you were –“ he trailed off, eyes darkening even more and you pressed your legs together, trying to get his hand to where you wanted him.

How was it possible that after all this you still craved release? But as you looked at him, blue eyes gazing at you with a smile while his fingers rubbed gentle circles into your skin, you knew that you were absolutely in love. You had wanted him for so long, for weeks even before you had finally gotten a taste of what it could be like with him, and then you had not seen him for months before he was once again ripped away from you. Your body was starving for him and his touch.

“Obi-Wan, please, I want you,” you mumbled, sitting up so you were able to be on eye level with him. You winced a little at the changed pressure on your most sensitive parts and your lover furrowed his brows in worry.

“You are tired, my love,” he kissed you, “as much as I want to take you, you are sensitive and I don’t want to risk to hurt you. We have time.”

Panic rose in you at his words. The last time he had made you come, he had told you to rest and then you had not spoken to each other for weeks. What if that would happen again? What if another mission needed to be dealt with and he would be sent away for months on time? What if – what if he got hurt?

“I don’t care, I need – I need you. Please, I – you _promised_!”

You were not sure if he somehow was in your head or if he thought the same thing or if the pure desperation in your voice gave you away but his face fell for a moment, a deep-rooted sadness displayed in his eyes – like he was feeling guilty. But as much as you cared for him, your desire was too overwhelming to put a pause to it and he was responsible for it.

Without saying a word, he stood up and your eyes widened in fear – _please don’t let him leave, please no_ – before your whole body relaxed as his hands went to the hem of his tunic. You had never seen anyone undress this quickly and you grinned at his eagerness. He chucked the clothing somewhere and you barely had the time to see a flash of his naked skin before he was on top of you again.

Your squeal turned into laughter as he pinned you to the bed, his eyes twinkling mischievously and pressing a kiss to your wrist before crossing them over your head.

“Oh kriff,” you did not think you had ever heard him curse before and you decided that you liked the sound of it – very much so. He supported his weight on his forearms next to your head and it allowed you to keep direct eye contact with him anytime. With a heaving chest, he pressed his forehead against yours, smiling slightly and you smiled back – a little happy moment between all this pure desire that was floating around.

When his blunt head pressed against your entrance, you forced yourself to keep your wrists above your head, somehow enjoying this artificial helplessness, and opened your legs even more. Obi-Wan surged forward slightly, the tip of him catching onto your entrance and you could not help the moan that escaped you.

You had been convinced that you would not be able to come again so soon. That it would feel nice to just having him this close, to give him the release that he needed. But as he started filling you, your whole body started to tingle and your eyes rolled back in your head.

“Look at you, such a perfect little slut for me, so willing,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your mouth. It was such a contrast to the way he started to relentlessly fuck into you, it made everything even more intense.

“O-Only for you,” you gasped out.

“I know, little one, I know,” he whispered. His cock was stroking places deep inside you and _maker_ did it feel good. You clenched around him and a growl came from somewhere deep inside his chest, absolutely guttural and his chest vibrated against yours.

He pumped into you and it felt so good you swore you blacked out for a second. “Obi-Wan,” you pleaded with him. You were not sure exactly what you were pleading for, what it was that you needed to finally get some of that release he was driving you towards. But Obi-Wan seemed to know what you were asking, what you were needing.

“Do you think you can come again for me, little one?” he asked out of breath, his voice strained from how tight you were gripping him, “One more time around my cock?”

You could only nod helplessly, trying somehow to convey to him that this was good, that you were feeling good and by the stars _please just keep going_. He rose up, resting on his knees his hands pulling your hips into his in a rough pace and you were just taking it. There really was not anything else you could have done but kriff if it was not the best you had ever felt. You felt him harden even more and you moaned when you thought about what (or rather who) was about to come.

“That’s right, my darling,” he taunted, “Where would you like me to cum, hm?” he was teasing you, you knew. He knew that talking would rile you up, that his words had the ability to make you see stars, and still he seemed to unaffected to you. His forehead was a bit sweaty and his hair seemed a little dishevelled but other than that he could have taken a stroll through the gardens and not looked any different.

That changed with your answer, though.

“Inside, please,” it slipped out of you before embarrassment could stop you, “I want to feel you there tomorrow when you’re gone.”

He threw his head back and groaned at your words, “Oh kriff, darling, do you want to send me to an early grave?”

His thrusts grew quicker and harder and you were only able to hold on tight to him and tug on his hair, anything to give him the release he had gifted you with. He was so feral, so depraved by finally losing any kind of control, and you _loved_ it. With a moan, you came around him, feeling like you were floating outside your body.

Suddenly he stilled, grinding slowly deeper into you as he painted your walls white. He sounded almost pained and buried his head in the crook of your neck. His arms were still caging you in, carrying his whole weight so as to not crush you, and you felt utterly surrounded by him.

“You are perfect,” he whispered into your skin and kissed your neck. His ministrations were soft and you started running your fingers through his mussed hair, “You are absolutely complete a hundred per cent perfect, darling.”

You smiled at his compliment and how his voice sounded a little hoarse. “So are you,” you replied cheekily and tugged his hair so he would kiss you on the mouth. It was gentle and slow, the way his tongue played with yours and it made you feel loved.

When he pulled out of you, you winced. He kissed your cheeks softly and looked at you with warm eyes. They were so full of love, so warm, it made you blush. This was not your dream. This was real. He felt for you the things that you felt for him and it was as exhilarating as the feeling of having him inside you.

“Let me clean you up,” he whispered and disappeared into your bathroom. He came back with a rag in his hand, still completely in the nude and you blushed. He was so very unaffected by his nudity and even though he had just been inside you a few moments ago, it felt different seeing him like this. A different kind of trust.

The fabric touching your oversensitive skin made you flinch before he shushed you. “It’s alright, I just want to clean you up, love,” a warm hand settled on your thigh, keeping you spread a little so he could properly clean you.

After disposing of the rag, he crawled back into bed, pulling the covers right over you. His warm went around your shoulders. “You did good,” he praised you, fingers rubbing circles into your skin, “Are you alright? Was I too rough?”

You shook your head as you settled onto his chest. You could hear his heartbeat under your cheeks and is skin was pleasantly warm. You liked this. You liked having him in your bed in the space between asleep and awake.

“How was the mission?”

“It was good,” he nodded, crossing his hands behind head, “I think we’re getting a little closer to the end, I can feel it.”

“That’s good,” you mumbled against his skin, too exhausted to keep your eyes open but also wanting to spend more time with him. “Sleep, love,” he whispered, “I will be there when you wake up. I promise.”

And you smiled because you knew he was telling the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hello over on tumblr! @maybege


	8. Touches I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are invited to attend Senator Amidala’s birthday gala but what was supposed to be a fun evening turns out to be … not that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: attempted sexual assault for the reader, inappropriate use of the force*, a little angst, protective!Obi-Wan lots of fluff in the end
> 
> *spoiler: someone uses the force to try and touch the reader without her consent

“Huh.”

“What is it?”

“Senator Amidala has invited me to join her birthday gala this week,” you explained, folding the invitation back into the envelope.

Obi-Wan was lounging on your sofa, casually scanning over a datapad that he had brought with him to work on. “Why does that surprise you?”

It had been a few weeks since he had returned from that mission, since you had taken the next step in your relationship, and it had been the best weeks of your life by far.

Being in a relationship with Obi-Wan was a lot less troubling than you had anticipated it to be. Of course, you needed to keep it a secret from everyone but your friendship did not have to be. You were still able to take walks in the garden together, still able to eat together when he came from a mission. In the shadows of the garden, he would offer you his arm, draw you in close, and when no one else was there, softly caress your knuckles with his other hand.

He would visit you in your office more often, too, leaning on the chair behind you as you discussed whatever was on his mind at that moment. In the dark of night, he would make sure you got home safely, either by ordering a cab for you himself or accompanying you home until your apartment door. In the dark of the night, he would steal a kiss or two, leaving you to sleep with a giddy smile on your face.

The only downside was that you could not spend most evenings together. Spending the night together was an intricate act of planning and making sure that he would not be missed. (Your sex life did not lack though, Obi-Wan made sure of that and you blushed at the memory of him taking you up against your apartment door in a rush before he needed to leave for a spontaneously called Council meeting.)

Public outings together were rare – rarer even than before the mission that had started it all. That was why Senator Amidala’s invitation surprised you so. She was a nice woman, no doubts about that, but she was also not your friend and you did not have many meeting points with her at work. Which only left one option.

You eyed him suspiciously, a smile on your face, “Obi-Wan … this does not have anything to do with you, now does it?”

He kept his eyes on his work, but the smug smile on his lips betrayed him, “I don’t know what you are talking about, darling.”

You laughed and went to straddle him, hiking up your dress around your hips as you settled on his lap. Obi-Wan put his datapad away as you wrapped your arms around his neck, a mischievous glint in your eyes. “I think you know _exactly_ what I am talking about, Master Kenobi,” you teased him and kissed the spot just above his beard.

He went to kiss you but you quickly ducked your head away, shaking your head at him. “First I want to know, then you can kiss me.”

You squeaked as your world suddenly turned upside down. “Oh darling,” he mocked you with a grin, “do you really think you can overpower me just like that?”

There was nothing more you enjoyed than this playful side of him, the carefree side. “I can try,” you retorted and he grinned. His lips descended upon your jaw, nipping at your skin while his beard scratched deliciously against you. “Oh, the things I want to do to you,” he sighed, almost absentmindedly but it made your ears perk up.

“What do you want to do with me?”, you managed to ask breathlessly, “Tell me please.”

“Are you sure, little one?

As you nodded, he framed your face in his large hands and kissed your forehead, his lips wandering over your cheeks until he reached your lips.

“I want to make you scream, darling. I want to use the force to pleasure anywhere and anytime I want. I want to see your face when you come around nothing but me and have to hide it from the world. I want to show you –“ he hesitated then, looking at you with clear blue eyes that had gotten soft, “I – I want to make love to you, every night of my life, to show you how much you mean to me, how much I adore you.”

With a slight smile he looked at you, a strand of hair falling into his face, “You are everything to me, darling, I hope you know that.”

Your heart swelled with emotion, you felt so full of love for him you could hardly bring a word out. Instead, you pulled him down to gently kiss him, hoping that he recognized that you loved him more than words would ever be able to express.

From the way his hands ran through your hair you suspected that he knew.

*

The gala was a big thing.

Like a really, _really_ big thing.

It was taking place in one of the grand ball halls in the Senate – the most exclusive location to throw a party if there ever was one. You had not taken Senator Amidala to throw lavish parties like that but maybe you had been wrong. After all, everyone enjoyed a good party.

You spotted many people you knew, either personally or just from seeing them around. There were Senator Organa and your uncle, talking politics over a glass of Corellian wine. Many Jedi were present as well, clearly uncomfortable in such a show of luxury.

People were dressed to the nines and obviously happy to have an excuse not to think about politics for a second. Senator Amidala was basically glowing. Her hair was styled in an elaborate updo and her dress was incredibly beautiful. She was the envy of all women present

Unsurprisingly, she was standing with Jedi Skywalker and someone else. They had a close relationship you had gathered and more than once had you wondered if that was all there was to it. After all, if the role model of a Jedi Obi-wan Kenobi was able to disregard the rules of the order it would not take much for the passionate Anakin Skywalker to do so as well.

Obi-Wan was also present which came to no surprise. He had arrived earlier than you, probably with the enclave of Jedi guests. As you weaved through the groups of people you spotted him standing together with master Windu and a group of padawans who were clearly excited that they could attend such a special occasion.

When you joined them, Obi-Wan eyed you appreciatively, when no one was looking. The dress you wore had been a new buy with a deep V neckline that could be scandalous if it was not Coruscant you were on.

Your heart beat a little faster at seeing him. Although you had not dressed from him, you did like the fact that he liked how you looked. It was a compliment either way. “Secretary,” Windu greeted you and you nodded in acknowledgement. It had taken a very long time but now you did not feel like he was trying to ignore you and that was certainly some sort of progress.

The group of padawan were all between 14 and 15 years old. Perhaps it was their first contact with the luxurious lifestyle that could be found in Coruscant as they could hardly take their eyes off the decoration, the people and the clothes.

“Secretary,” Obi-Wan smiled, bowing his head slightly. You could feel how his eyes trailed over your neckline and you blushed, quickly averting your eyes so you could keep your cheeks from getting warm.

The evening went without any major hiccups. There was good food and good drinks and it was nice being able to talk to Obi-Wan without hiding.

Padmé was talking to you about the newest developments in the Senate when you felt something brush your hand. Confused you looked down – there was nothing. You focussed your attention back to Padmé who had not noticed your momentary distraction. She was a nice woman and you liked her. You knew your uncle has served as her senator when she had been Queen of Naboo and that she was an incredibly smart woman.

Another brush on your hand made you look down again. And again: nothing.

A suspicion formed in your mind and you panicked a little. When you looked towards Obi-Wan he completely ignored you. He was talking with Windu and Skywalker about something, seemingly engaged in the discussion.

The brush on your hand did not cease this time, instead, it wandered down to your legs, the fabric of you dress seemingly no barrier for the force, and you felt sick. It felt – icky. Like an eel slithering around your calves and higher and you did not like it.

Also, it was incredibly inappropriate. How could he just do that? Without your permission? You tried to catch his eye, now completely ignoring whatever it was that Padmé was saying. But he did not look at you, not once. He gestured something to Anakin and then there was a touch on your breast.

Well, not a touch – a grope. And it hurt.

Tears collected in your eyes at how bluntly he just did that. And in front of everyone else!

Padmé touched your arm, worry in her eyes, “Everything alright, secretary?”

“Um yes. I just – need to use the refresher, if you would excuse me.”

You hurried away from the group, hoping that no one would notice how out of it you were. The touches had stopped for the moment but you did not think that they had stopped forever. Anger filled you and you could not help but feel betrayed by Obi-Wan. This was so out of character for him but it had to be him. Who else would get the idea to just randomly grope at someone through the force? And, your brain tried to remind you, you would rather have Obi-Wan touch you like that than some mysterious stranger.

Behind some pillars, you came to a stop. The refreshes were located just a few steps further but you needed a moment to breathe. Here, you were relatively shielded from everyone else, from any prying eyes, and it allowed you to gather yourself. You leant your back against a pillar and took a deep breath in.

Footsteps sounded behind you and you tensed, flattening yourself against the stone to be as x as possible. Familiar robes appeared you breathed a silent sigh of relief. It was Obi-Wan. There was that crease between his brows that showed he was worried and he did not even have to search for you, he immediately spotted your figure in the dark.

“What is going on, darling?” he asked quietly, standing right in front of you.

You wanted to scoff at his question. As if he did not know what he was doing. “Please stop this, Obi-Wan,” you murmured, “I know we talked about it the … the other night. But I’m very uncomfortable with this and it _hurts_.”

His brows furrowed even more as he placed his hands on your shoulders, fingers disappearing between the soft feathers. “Darling, I am not doing anything, I promise,” he insisted, “What is going on?”

There was a sincerity in his voice that even the most talented of liars could not fake. And you knew that Obi-Wan would not even try to lie to you, he respected you and – and loved you, you hoped – too much to ever do this. “Someone is … touching me – through the force. I thought it was you,” you looked at him with big eyes, confused and afraid as the other option took precedence in your brain, “but if it is not you then who is it?”

His eyes got dark, he looked positively livid and there was a tick in his jaw as he realized what you were saying. You would have thought him handsome, had you not felt another force touch sneaking up at you. Before you could say anything, it grabbed your breast harshly and you gasped. Instinctually you leant into Obi-Wan, hoping that the barrier of another person would somehow make it go away.

The reality that it must be another person, a stranger basically, who was touching you like this made you feel sick to your stomach. A warm hand settled on your back, gently holding you to him.

“Is it happening now?” he asked through clenched teeth. You nodded against his chest and winced, the pressure increasing. It did not even feel like a real hand.

“There is something I could do to prevent it but – but I need your explicit permission,” he whispered and you nodded for him to continue, eyes squeezing closed so you could try and focus on his voice. The grip on your breast got stronger and you buried your head onto his chest, trying to blend the pain out.

“It’s a forcefield,” Obi-Wan explained hurriedly, trying to get the words out as quickly as possible so he could help you just as quick, “I’m surrounding you with my force so you are shielded from other manipulations. We are sharing our force. There is the possibility that I will be able to hear and see your thoughts but I would never do that. Only with your permission, you understand?”

The thought of accidentally sharing your thoughts with Obi-Wan rather than being groped was pure bliss and you only managed to nod briefly.

Immediately, the touches ceased and your shoulders relaxed. You allowed yourself to cuddle a little more into him, exhausted from how tense you had been during the last few minutes that felt like an eternity. He smelled like home and more than anything you wished you could be back in bed, in his arms, and talk about your day.

Obi-Wan remained still for a few minutes, enabling you to breathe through the pain before he shifted and gently pushed you away from him.

“Show me,” he instructed softly, his eyes full of pain. You looked around the dark hallway. It was completely abandoned; the only voices faintly came from the ballroom in which the gala took place. So, you risked sliding your neckline a little to the side, almost exposing your whole breast. Even in the dark, you could already see the dark purple bruises forming there, seeming dark grey in the low light.

You could see how the usually so clear blue eyes turned darker. You had never seen Obi-Wan so angry. The more he kept looking at the bruises, the more worried you got. If there was one thing you did not want out of all of this, it was to get him in trouble. You let go off the fabric, smoothing it back over your skin.

“I will find out who did this, I promise,” he vowed and pressed his lips to your cheek. His beard tickled at your skin and his woodsy scent washed over you.

He took a step back from you, exhaling deeply, and offered you his arm. “Are you ready to get back out? They might get suspicious.”

You swallowed and took a moment to compose yourself before you nodded. On the outside he was the perfect gentleman, offering you his arm, holding your hand in the crook of his elbow with his other free hand, leading you around the ballroom. Only you could sense how his thumb soothingly rubbed your hand. Trying to calm you down, to assure you, to make you feel safe.

“I got you,” Obi-Wan whispered to you, “I got you, it is alright, darling.”

You knew he was right and relaxed a little. You did not notice a lot of the force field other than you seemed to be a bit more connected to what he was feeling. It was like a part of your feelings were his too. You wondered if that was what it must feel like to be force-sensitive. How exhausting it must be to constantly be aware of what others around you were feeling.

When you arrived back at the group, they all mustered you expectantly. Especially Master Windu had his brows raised, his gaze switching back and forth between you and Obi-Wan. Perhaps he could sense that Obi-Wan was shielding you with the force?

Obi-Wan cleared his throat, getting the attention of the group. “The Secretary is getting … uncalled-for advances through the force, it seems,” he explained lowly, his brows furrowed.

You could hear the barely contained rage in his voice and wished you could do something about it. Something to make him feel better. That was when you remembered. If _you_ could feel _his_ emotions then he could feel yours! You tried to relax your posture and thought about how safe you felt with him, how warm he made you feel. Next to you, his posture relaxed minimally and you smiled.

“This absolutely unacceptable,” Master Windu intoned Anakin next to him nodded solemnly, his arms crossed over his chest. You zoned out as they were discussing methods to find the culprit, trying to focus on nice things in order to remain as calm as you were. You focussed on where your arm was touching Obi-Wan, how his body warmed your skin, how he did not seem to let go of you. And you did not want him to either.

Apparently, it was easy to track down a force signature if you knew what you were looking for. At least it was for them. In less than two minutes, the Jedi Masters had found what they were looking for and walked through the hall to the source of it.

You were still on Obi-Wan’s arm following them and almost dreading the moment where you would come to face to face with the perpetrator. With your partner by your side, you knew nothing would happen to you, Obi-Wan would make sure of that but how would _you_ want to deal with the person once you met them? You felt so angry but also scared and unsure and it was way too late to have this many feelings, you just wanted to go home.

It ended up being a group of padawans in the corner of the room – the very same group who had been there when you had greeted Master Windu and Obi-Wan. When they spotted the thunderous expressions on the adults’ faces they grew quiet – quiet and pale. “What exactly,” Obi-Wan started, his voice nothing short of threatening, “Have you been thinking?”

“It was a just a game of dare, Master Windu,” the girl in the group explained quietly, not daring to look Obi-Wan in the eye and instead pleading towards Master Windu. It said a lot that they would rather discuss with the usually stern Master rather than Obi-Wan. Their ears were red and you were confused more than anything. What had they been thinking? Assaulting you like that?

“Do you know what you have done?” Master Windu questioned, his expression unreadable, “Do you know what your force touches did?”

As you saw their faces grow confused, you got pale. They _didn’t_ know what they had done. They had manipulated the force but they had no idea what the force had actually done to you. You did not know if that made it better or worse. Obi-Wan’s grip on your arm tightened, pulling you back into the present moment.

Master Windu had turned to you, looking absolutely furious. “This will have serious consequences,” he spoke to you, “I sincerely apologize for this horrible behaviour. Rest assured that they will be properly disciplined.”

You only nodded silently, still clinging to Obi-Wan’s arm. This was not how you had wanted this evening to go.

“I will bring the Secretary home,” Obi-Wan announced and Windu only nodded. 

As promised, Obi-Wan brought you to your apartment. You felt his force shield leaving you when you suddenly did not feel his underlying anger anymore. “I cannot stay,” he stated, regret in his voice, “I have to go back to the temple and deal with – deal with them.”

He looked furious, then, and you put a hand on his cheek, pulling him closer to you for a kiss. It was soft and gentle and you felt warmth running down your spine. “Thank you for protecting me,” you whispered against his mouth, your breaths mingling. He smiled at you sadly and kissed your forehead before disappearing back into the night.

*

You lay in your bed, dressed in your softest nightgown, gazing out of the window to watch the traffic outside. The lights of the city drew patterns across your room but where they usually were something that calmed you, now they did nothing else than to keep you awake.

You could not sleep – how could you with the thoughts running through your mind?

You did not like what happened to you and what it meant. The notion that anyone could just touch you through the force was scary. Scary and violating. Obi-Wan had protected you tonight but what if there had been no other Jedi present? How could you have defended yourself then other than just simply leaving?

There was a faint knock on the door and you shot up. Another knock. Slowly you rose from your bed and wrapped your morning gown around you. Tying the sash around your waist you tapped barefoot across your apartment to the door. Who would visit you at this hour?

When you opened the door, you were pleasantly surprised to see that it was Obi-Wan. But as soon as you spotted him, worry filled your heart again. Had he not said that he would need to return to the Temple? You had not expected him to return to you afterwards. He had spent last night with you already; would he be able to risk two nights in a row?

There were deep circles under his eyes. A testament to how long you had lain awake in your bed. His hair was mussed up completely and his tunic was a little wrinkled. He looked tired but as soon as his eyes fell on you he visibly relaxed.

You stepped aside, letting him inside, “Is everything alright?”

“My love,” he greeted you and wrapped you up in his arms. He was still wearing his cloak – you loved his cloak – and within his arms, you were buried under tons and tons of fabric that smelled like him. You giggled and pressed a kiss to his neck, right under his jaw. The spot where his beard faded was especially sensitive and one of your favourites to kiss whenever you got the chance to.

His chest rumbled under your hands. “Just needed to make sure you were safe,” he explained his sudden appearance, kissing your temple, “I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone tonight.”

Relief flooded your chest. With him by your side you would be able to fall asleep in seconds, you just knew. “I am certainly not complaining about you visiting me,” you teased him, “I never would.”

His face was still quite solemn as he took off his cloak, “I wanted to talk about something you said today.”

You nodded for him to continue and he took your hands in his. “You thought that I was the one that used the force on you and that made me realize we never talked about – boundaries,” his brows furrowed and you squeezed his hands reassuringly, “I want you to know that yes, these are my fantasies, and believe me there is nothing I would love more than to drive you to the edge with you at my mercy,“ your breath caught in your throat at his words but he continued, looking at you in earnest, “But I would _never_ do that without your consent. And if you ever feel uncomfortable with something or feel like I am putting you in a position you do not want to be in, please tell me and I will stop. That is not who I am or who I want to be and I need you to know that.”

His eyes were wide and honest and eager. It made your heart warm up. Of course, you had always known that Obi-Wan would not hurt you, he was not the kind of person to do these things. But him taking the time and effort to come to your apartment and tell you exactly that – to promise you that he would respect your boundaries in every way – made your love for him grow even more.

You kissed him in response, smiling against his lips. His hands let go of yours and went to your waist, slowly pulling you into his chest. “I know that, Obi-Wan,” you reassured him, “and I appreciate you telling it to me. It means a lot, really. Now,” your eyes twinkled at him, “Will you need to go back to the temple or can you come to bed with me, my love?”

The corner of his mouth quirked up, “I think I can stay the night, darling.” Silently both of you walked to your bedroom. While you were switching off all the lights in the apartment, Obi-Wan undressed until he was just left in his underwear.

Without saying much, you settled into your bed. Like always, he lifted his arm so you could snuggle into his chest, pressing your ear to his heart. It always calmed you down, falling asleep like this, feeling his skin on yours, hearing him breathe. But tonight, he was tense, tenser than usual and something told you that it had nothing to do with what he had just told you. This was something different and it bothered him.

“There is something else, you are not telling me,” you voiced your concern. Your cheek was still on his warm skin so you could not see his face but you did feel him shift as if he was uncomfortable. When he did not answer right away, you knew something was definitely up. Usually, he was the one that was always so eloquent, that always had the right remark.

Now that you thought of it, you had never witnessed a moment where he did not have an answer ready.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

You turned on your side, resting your chin on his naked chest and looked up at him through your lashes. Your instinct had been right, he _was_ uncomfortable. And you were going to find out why.

“Obi-Wan, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

He waited for a moment, contemplating your words. You could see his jaw clench beneath his beard and ran your fingers through it. “Tonight, you said …” he started, “you said you didn’t like how it felt.”

You furrowed your brows, “You mean the force touch?”

He nodded in confirmation.

“Yes, it felt ...” you searched for the words, “slippery like an eel.”

He did not say anything in return. You wondered what it could be about. He had never used the force on you in any way except for the force shield tonight. _But what if he had wanted to?_ Your brain provided _, what if he had wanted to and now he was sad that he would not get to do it?_ Was he too shy to ask you about it? Was it something that he wanted?

The first time he had ever mentioned using it on you had been a few nights ago. Maybe that had been him slowly introducing the idea to you? You hummed. The thought had been interesting – arousing – at the time.

“Are you asking me if I would let you use the force on me?” you asked shyly.

“Only with your permission,” he interjected, almost panicked. He sat up, the blanket falling from his chest and you followed.

“I … I would like to show you that it can feel good too,” he admitted quietly. You spotted a blush on his cheeks right above his beard and you grinned. It was rare that you saw him so flustered and it felt a bit like an accomplishment, reducing him to so little words.

Then there was the fantasy that had reduced him thus. The idea still piqued your interest. Obi-Wan knew what he was doing and you knew that he was one of the people who had the most control over themselves. For him to hurt you in a way that you did not agree too would be very unlikely, nearly impossible. You had told him that you felt safe with him and that way the truth. You felt safe with him no matter what. And you liked it when he teased you; when he had a little more control.

You hummed, “Maybe we could start slow? Perhaps I like it more when I know that you are the one doing it in a controlled environment?”

“Really?”

You nodded and kissed his shoulder, “I trust you Obi-Wan, always have, always will.”

He was practically beaming at you and you giggled at his happiness. He situated you in the middle of the bed. You were sitting cross-legged, the blanket comfortable over your lap. He was leaning against the headboard, not touching you. “Close your eyes, darling.”

You did as he said and waited. His fingers brushed along your shoulders and you hummed. His skin was warm and it was nice. He swept your hair over one shoulder and slowly slipped the strap of your nightgown down your arm. You cocked your head to the side when you felt his finger draw circles into your skin.

The way he touched you reminded you of summer days spent at the lake and cold winter nights cuddled together. You could just see him before you, feeding each other exotic fruits and sweets on a blanket, the sun warm on your bodies. You wanted all of these things with him. 

A teasing smile formed on your lips, “That’s nice but when will the force actually come into play?”

You heard his chuckle behind you and frowned. You turned your head so you could look over your shoulder at him. He had his arm resting on one propped up leg while his other leg was completely stretched out on the bed. He was the picture of casual lounging. But the most important part: not one limb of his body was touching you. Your eyes widened when you realized that it had been the force all along.

Noticing your surprise, he smirked, “Did you like that?”

“I thought it was you!”

“If it is done right, it can feel quite nice. Should I continue?”

With a blush, you nodded.

When you felt his lips on the nape of your neck your eyes flew open. Was that …? “It’s really me,” the man whispered softly and goosebumps erupted all over your skin. There was another set of hands on your waist you now you knew what the difference was. His real hands felt heavier, warmer, as his hands stroked along your arms and neck and shoulders, following the path previously set by him through the force.

You hummed at the delicious feeling and let your head fall back against his shoulder. He had scooted forward so that his legs were on either side of your hips, caging you in. With closed eyes, you turned your mouth and sought out that spot beneath his jaw, kissing it. The man behind you rumbled, like a pleased loth cat and you smiled.

His head buried itself in the crook of your neck, “You are beautiful,” he murmured into your skin, “You are so _so_ lovely, my darling.”

The force touch on your skin changed. It morphed from his hands into something else. “What’s that?” you mumbled, too content to really bother with speaking.

“The force can feel like a physical touch or like a force,” he explained, “Let me show you.”

You felt it sling around your wrist. Through half-lidded eyes, you watched as your hand was raised to Obi-Wan’s lips without anything touching it. His lips were soft and gentle on your skin as he pressed kisses to each of your knuckles.

“They say that attachment is forbidden in the Order because it is the way to the dark side,”

“Obi-Wan …”

“But I feel more balanced than I have in a long time. I feel like – I, _kriff_ , darling, I just love you. I love you.”

It was the first time he had said it to you and your heart felt like it would fly out of your chest at any moment. You knew that he liked you but love was a big word – a big emotion for a man who had sworn to a life in abstinence. The Order was a big part of his life and you – what could you possibly be in all of this?

But despite your shortcomings which he did not seem to see, you knew that he was sincere. You head it in his voice, saw it in the way he gazed at you and felt it when his hands traced your skin so tenderly. And you loved him too. Stars, you did and you needed him to know. To know that he was perfect just the way he was, that there was no need to worry, no need to ponder into the late nights about what he had done wrong in his life.

“I love you too, Obi-Wan.”

He sighed, pressed a kiss to your temple and sat on the edge of the bed, running his hand through his hair. He was troubled and for once, you knew exactly why. He loved you and both of you were aware of how that might impact his involvement in the Order. Your arms wrapped around him from behind and your cold cheek pressed against his back. “I am so sorry that I put you into this position.”

“I am not,” he replied determinedly, “When the war is over, I will leave the order.”

Shock was not a serious enough word to describe what you felt. Him leaving the order was unimaginable for you – for anyone you were sure. You had gotten to know him as a Jedi devoted to his upbringing, to the family he had found within the Order. Could he just leave this life behind? For you? Were you enough to fill the hole that would evidently be left behind?

“I could never ask this of you, Obi-Wan and you know that,” your lips moved on his skin and you hoped that your tears would be kept at bay.

“But I will never be happy without you either, darling”, he protested, almost sounding defeated, “I never could be.”

“I am afraid you will resent me for it,” you admitted softly, “You are already breaking the code because of me. I could never … I don’t want to take this from you.”

“You are not taking it if I give it freely,” he argued and deep down you knew he was right. Still, you were reluctant to hop on to this seemingly spontaneous plan of his. What if it was just a spur of the moment decision? If his happiness over finally admitting your love for one another had sparked this idea that he would inevitably regret?

“Let us talk about it when the war is over,” he finally suggested, pressing a kiss to your temple, “we will see everything with a new light then, I am sure.”

As you were falling asleep, you imagined what a life with Obi-Wan might look like and you smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hello over on tumblr! @maybege


	9. Touches II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You indulge in one of Obi-Wan’s fantasies.
> 
> Warnings: explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, inappropriate use of the force, dom!Obi-Wan, sub!Reader, force bondage, nipple play, overstimulation, reader uses a safe word and there is a break, dry humping, thigh riding, multiple orgasms, dirty talk (slight degradation), master!kink (yup, I went there), aftercare,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember me gushing about a 2k outline of the filthiest Obi-Wan smut I have ever written? This is it. There are no excuses but I am also not sorry (I think). It is literally just smut with some good old fluff at the end. As always, please let me know what you think :)

“Lay back for me, darling, there’s a good girl.”

The blankets and pillows were soft under your skin as you laid back on your bed. It was dark outside, the middle of the night in Coruscant, and only the lamp on your bedside table was throwing a soft glow over the room and everything that was in it. The light made everything seem even more intimate than it already was, making you feel like you were holed up in your own blanket fort where no one would be able to disturb you.

Obi-Wan was standing at the foot of the bed, still completely dressed in his Jedi robes. He looked immaculate, like always, like he was not about to destroy you to your very core and put you back together again, piece by piece.

It had been a few days since the gala and you had – rather spontaneously – agreed to try out what he had been too reluctant to ask. You had allowed him to use the force on you. Well, you had not allowed it, you had _asked_ him to. Every time you had met since then, he had used the force on you much like the night from the gala. It was nice and fun and there was something about it that just made you feel safe.

But you had not gotten over the fact that he had wanted more.

Obi-Wan would never ask you for it, of that you had been sure. His desire to protect you and to make you feel safe overrode his desire to pursue his own wishes. It had not helped that you had been assaulted through the force as well but when you had straight up asked him – gathering all the courage you had – the way his eyes darkened and his whole body tensed had betrayed him.

That was how you ended up here, on your bed, feeling the familiar strings of the force swirl around your wrists and ankles, gently pulling them towards the respective corners of your bed. It left you completely exposed and there was a tick in his jaw that showed just how much he enjoyed it.

“Is this comfortable for you?” he made sure, rubbing your ankle closest to him with his real hand. You took a moment to test the bounds and to wriggle your joints. They were snug but they did not hurt you and the force actually felt warm on your skin. Goosebumps wandered from where it touched you to the centre of your body, leaving you with an itch that only he could scratch.

You nodded meekly. Excitement and nervousness, mostly excitement though, were coursing through you as he climbed atop of the bed, kneeling between your legs. He did not touch you yet. Instead, his eyes wandered over your face, a serious look on his face, “Can you recite the safe words for me, love?”

Taking a deep breath, you nodded, remembering the conversation you had only had minutes prior to being in this position. “ _Green_ if everything is fine and you can continue like you want, _yellow_ for slow down I need a break and _red_ for stop right now.”

The Jedi nodded in approval, although he seemed to be distracted by looking at your naked body all splayed out for him to see. There were still marks on your breasts from when those padawans had gripped you. You had not asked him about what had happened to them but from what Master Windu had assured you, they seemed to be regretting their actions.

“Anything still hurting?” he asked, concern washing over his features. His finger ghosted over them and you could feel your peaks harden.

“My – my left breast is still quite tender,” you admitted. Gently, he probed the skin and squeezed the flesh, testing out your limit. When he saw you flinch in pain, he nodded, like he was remembering it for next time. There was a furrow between his brows you wanted to smooth away but as quickly as it appeared it went away, being replaced by a look of anticipation and excitement that you only seldomly got to see on him.

“Alright, my love.”

As he started kissing you all over, you closed your eyes, enjoying his attention on you. His lips started at your bellybutton feathering kisses down to each of your hipbones, lightly nipping at them and making you giggle in the process. You could feel him smile against your skin at that and it made you even giddier.

Then he started kissing his way upwards to your sternum, to your neck, to your mouth. You opened your lips for him immediately, letting his tongue mingle with yours as his kisses grew more and more passionate.

His hands came up to your breasts, softly squeezing the flesh and you gasped. With that teasing glint in his eyes that told you he was up to no good, he pulled away from your mouth and started lavishing your breasts in soft kisses, small bites, anything and everything that made you arch your back to get closer to his mouth.

“You look like an absolute dream, darling,” he murmured, his eyes transfixed on the way your flesh pebbled under his thumb, “I think you like being exposed to me like this, hm?”

“Yes,” you gasped, “Makes me feel – oh!”

“Yes?” he mocked, looking up at you with your nipple between his teeth. It was like his eyes were glowing and with that grin on his face he looked absolutely feral and you wanted to pull him closer to give you more. But you could not and that made you clench your thighs together – except that you could not do that either because the force kept them apart and you whined desperately. You had not thought it would drive you to the edge this quickly.

“How does it make you feel, love?” he asked you, almost condescendingly but it only added to the mess between your thighs, he kissed your neck again, just gently holding your breasts denying the friction that you crave, “C’mon, little one, use your words.”

“Vulnerable and –“ you whined as the rough fabric of his tunic rubbed against you and once again tried to get closer to him, “and exposed. Makes me feel like you’re even more in control.” You moaned.

“Such a good girl for me,” he rumbled in your ear, rolling a nipple between his fingers and tugging at it. The pleasure went directly to your core and maker if he could just give you more, why did he not give you more and did you have to beg him? Another tug, this time on both sides at the same time and –

“Master, please!”

The world came to a screeching halt. Your eyes flew open in shock and you gasped. Your whole body flushed in embarrassment as you tried to process what you had just said. Obi-Wan looked at you with an open mouth, shock evident on his face.

“What did you say?” his voice sounded strangely strangled and rough as if his throat was dry. It looked almost comical, the way he was kneeling between your naked legs, his hands still on your flesh.

“I – I’m sorry,” you brought out, the word stumbling over each other in your panic, “I didn’t mean to! I ruined it, didn’t I?”

The embarrassment made your entire body flush, dread filling your stomach. Right now, it felt like you were just waiting for him to reject you and your weird fantasies. Why could you not keep your mouth shut?

“No, no, no,” Obi-Wan quickly comes up to your face, shaking his head so hard a few strands fell to his forehead, “I – kriff, darling, I didn’t know that this was something you wanted …”

“You can forget it if you want,” you mumbled, resisting the urge to cover your face with your hands, but still avoiding his eyes, “You don’t have to like it.”

“No, I’m surprised by how _much_ I liked it,” he rushed to assure you and, as if to prove his point, he ground against you. There was a very prominent bulge that you could feel through the fabric of his pants and your eyes widened. His pupils were blown wide, his eyes now dark as the night sky outside, “Say it again, little one, for me.”

“Master, please,” your voice was still a little unsure and quiet, scarcely believing that he was serious, but when you saw his cheeks flush, his tongue coming out to wet his lips, you gained confidence. He really did like it, he liked you, and you had not messed up.

“Oh, little one,” he chuckled darkly, all back to business now as he trailed a finger from your temple down your jaw, your neck to your breasts, “Should I tell you what I planned for today?”

You hummed, “Please.”

A tug on your nipple made you squeak and when you saw his cocked eyebrow you added a small, “Master.”

The intensified power dynamic was exhilarating. You wondered what you must look like to him, bare and spread out for him to explore while he was still completely clothed and in control. He kept rolling your flesh between his fingers, “I want to tease these pretty tits of yours until you cum,” he muttered, his eyes following the movement of his fingers, “Think you can do that for me? Think we can try?”

You nodded, your eagerness clearly showing and he grinned.

*

You did not know how long it had been. Minutes? Hours? Days? It felt like time was one long strand of – of something. Your legs were shaking and tears were streaming down your face as Obi-Wan mouthed at your nipple again. Ever since he had started touching you, your body had run toward an orgasm but it was always just out of touch, running away from you as fast as you were running towards it.

You tried to grind your hips against his but with a tut, he raised his hips, remaining just out of your reach. Not being able to touch him was what truly killed you. A desperate whine left you and his teeth sunk into your flesh. Thousands of electric currents flew through you, right down to your core, but it was not enough and your body could not decide if it was pain or pleasure –

“Yellow!”, you gasped out suddenly, “Yellow!”

Immediately the touches stopped, although his hands were still on your body. They held you by your waist and his eyebrows were drawn up in concern. “Should I stop completely or make you cum? What do you need right now? Is it too much?”

You shook your head. “Not cum,” you brought out in a whimper, your body trembling, “I – I don’t know, I need to touch you, I think, I need – I need a break.”

The force around your wrists and ankles loosened and you immediately hugged yourself to him. He sat up on his knees and pulled you into his lap. Your legs went around his hips, clinging to him like a monkey. His hands soothed your back as he made quiet mouth noises to calm you down.

“I’m so proud of you, little one, so proud,” he whispered into your ears, his fingers drawing patterns on your spine, “You did so well, letting me play with you like that, you took it like a champ.”

Burying your face in the crook of his neck you breathed him in for a few minutes. Slowly, your body calmed down. The pressure between your legs was still there but considerably lessened and the warmth of his body seeped through his clothes and made you feel safe. In his embrace, everything would be fine.

“Do you know what it was?” he asked carefully, a finger brushing from the nape of your neck down to your tailbone, “Was I too rough?”, he sounded worried then, “Did I hurt you?”

“No, it just – it wasn’t enough and too much at the same time,” you tried to explain, “I liked but I can’t – I couldn’t – not from only this and –“

Words escaped you then. How would you be able to put into words what it was that made you want to stop?

“I understand, my love,” he kissed your temple gently.

“I liked how rough you were,” mumbled against his chest, trying to reassure him, “You did not hurt me.”

He pulled away from you with a small smile and looked down between you. “Well, I did leave quite a few marks,” he joked and cradled one breast in his hand, rough thumb brushing over your nipple and a bite mark he had left there. You followed his gaze, getting to admire the marks he loved to leave on you for the first time and your breath hitched in your throat.

His voice was kind as he added, “Would you like to continue today or do you want to take a bath?”

Your heart warmed at his question. He was so … lovely. He cared about you, about your wellbeing, you knew that. You knew that he loved you, he had told you as much. But the caring look in his eyes right now showed you that he really, _really_ loved you. A hand brushed your hair from your face as he gazed at you. You brought your face to him, pecking his lips, trying to show him somehow, how safe he made you feel. The thought of him continuing, of bringing you the pleasure he had before now in an improved version, made you squirm.

“I – I think I’d like to continue.”

He nodded with a smile, clearly pleased with your decision but it was also clear that he would have had no qualms about stopping if it had made you more comfortable. How could you love one man so much? Was that even possible? “I will tell you what I have planned, alright?” he whispered against your lips, “So you can tell me if there is anything you don’t like to do.”

His forehead was pressed against yours, his hand still on your breast playing with it. There was a teasing glint in his eyes, that made you tingle all over. “First, I’m going to flick these little nipples until they are all hard and pebbled again,” he whispered, and, as if to prove his point, lightly scraped his blunt fingernail over the bud, causing you to arch your back towards him, “and then I’m gonna make you ride my thigh at the same time so you get the release you need, little one.”

His other hand moved to your hip, softly grinding your pelvis into his thigh you were straddling. The same pleasure from before filled your body but this time it felt like there was an outlet and you sighed. “And you know why, little one?”

You shook your head and followed his guiding hands until you were straddling one muscular thigh. He flexed his leg under your bare pussy and you swore he felt how you clenched around nothing. At his raised eyebrow you remembered the question that had gone unanswered.

“No, Master,” you replied. The nickname slipped out on accident, confirming that you were already back in this little game you were playing he smiled smugly.

“Because that’s what I thought of when I first got you off,”, he recalled, pulling on your nipple sharply and making you follow his movements with your hip. You gasped at the mixture between pain and pleasure that directly shot down to your clit rubbing against the coarse fabric of his trousers. This was so much better than before. Gingerly, you placed your hands on his shoulders to support your movements, enabling you to control the pace, but he tutted.

“If you feel comfortable with it, I would like to use the force again, darling.”

Again, you could see in his eyes, hear in his voice, that he was genuinely asking. That if you were to say no, he would let the subject drop and make you come anyway. But you bit your lip and nodded your head because you were ready. Ready to be used by him. Ready to trust him completely.

“Good girl,” he praised you in a whisper and you smiled.

The force moved somewhere behind you, you could feel the tendril swirling around your hands, crossing your wrists behind your back. The motion pushed your back towards him, tits now basically in his face. Without missing a beat Obi-Wan ducked down, mouthing at your left breast until your nipples were hard peaks.

When he pulled one between his teeth you squeaked, his thigh flexing underneath you and putting pressure just _right there_. He soothed your flesh with his tongue, his other hand wandering to your right breast and squeezing the flesh in his hands.

There was no way you could support yourself with your hands bound like this, so you sat on his thigh gravity doing most of the work and letting him guide you to completion.

“Maker, I love looking at you like this,” he mumbled, sucking your nipple into his mouth and looking up at you.

Your body was still sensitive from his earlier ministrations and now with the stimulation on your clit and the eye contact as he pleasured you, you felt the wave crashing over you. Genuine sobs escaped you, as you came, slumping right into him. Obi-Wan let go of your skin and cradled you to his body.

“You look so pretty when you come, little one,” his praise made you smile in bliss, enjoying the slow aftershocks in your body, “And what do we say?”

“Thank you, Master,” you replied without much thought, already knowing what he wanted from you and what you were willing to give him. He let you rest for a few more moments, whispering praises in your ear, how good you were for him, how beautiful you looked when you came undone, how he wanted to keep you forever.

You closed your eyes, slowly coming down from your high and kissing his neck, his jaw, right into his beard. When your lips met his, a playful hint of tongue and teeth involved, he ground you into him again. This time you could feel how hard he was. How had you not noticed earlier?

You blushed at the thought that he had made you cum before you had even touched him. It made you even more determined to finally get him inside you. He might be in charge but that did not mean you could not persuade him.

“What is your colour, little one?” he asked in a husk, hands wandering up your back into your hair.

“Green, master,” you replied, eagerly kissing him again, “ _so_ green.”

He tugged on your hair, pulling your head back and baring your neck to him. You gasped as you felt his teeth scraping along the delicate skin there, beard leaving a delicious burn and lips sucking on the skin. Tomorrow your whole body would be marked up.

“Good,” he growled and gently lifted you off his leg, “can you lay down for me again, on your front this time?”

With a triumphant smile – you had not even done anything and he delivered exactly what you yearned for and you were _so_ ready – you crawled into the middle of your bed, falling into the soft blankets and pillows. An _oof_ sounded from your mouth as your sensitive skin touches the blankets, your breasts felt almost raw but in a good way. Obi-Wan laughed softly behind you at your antics before you could feel your ankles and wrists being moved again. It was a position much like before – your body spread out in an X on the bed – but this time you were on your front and your hips were slightly elevated as well. It made you blush about how exposed you felt.

“Should I tell you what I am going to do with you or would you like it to be a surprise, little one?”

You did not even have to think for one moment.

“A surprise, please, master,” you answered sweetly, lightly wiggling your ass, trying to get him closer. His groan behind you only made you all the more eager. You wanted him. You needed him. Why did he have to make you wait?

But you also wanted to be good for him. The control he had over you was exhilarating and so when you felt the force lightly grasping your hips, stopping your movements, you immediately ceased.

“Maker, you’re such an obedient little thing, aren’t you?” his voice sounded smug. You heard his robes fall to the floor, finally getting undressed and you got even more excited. Patiently waiting with your cheeks pressed to the cool bedding, you felt a drop of wetness escaping you, slowly making its way down. When it reached your clit, you squirmed from the strange feeling but the force bonds were strong and you hardly managed a wiggle.

A warm hand landed on your ass with a slight swat. It was not hard enough to hurt you but enough to make you feel it. Your eyes flew open at the loud sound that seemed to echo around your bedroom. No one had ever done that – then again, Obi-Wan had done a lot of things already that you had not yet experienced – and your body immediately yearned for more while your cheeks got red in embarrassment. How could he have figured you out like that?

The bed dipped behind you and when you felt his hands on the back of your thighs, you concluded that he must be kneeling between your legs.

“I wish you could see yourself like this,” he murmured appreciatively, palming your ass in both of his hands, “all naked and spread out. Ready to be fucked by your master, isn’t that right, little one?”

The sting of his hand mixed with him massaging the same spot made you see stars. _Stars_ , you were so wet. Surely, he must see how affected you were. Surely, he would relieve you somehow –

“I _said_ ,” he slapped your ass again, his voice tight, “isn’t that right?”

You jumped at the contact, your walls fluttering around nothing. “Yes, master,” you breathed, “I’m ready, just please – _please_ fuck me.”

The blunt tip of him moved around your entrance and you tried to shift back so you could be closer, so he would slip inside. You whined as the force kept you in your exact position. You did not have to see him to know that he had donned his smug grin. Maker, he could be infuriating but you wanted this so bad.

“How greedy you are, little one,” he chided you, gliding the tip of his cock through your wetness, thoroughly spreading it on himself, “Haven’t I given you enough already?”

You wanted to answer him that nothing would ever be enough. That your want for him had become a bottomless pit and it was all his fault. But as he slowly breached you, you could only moan. In this position, he hit differently. He felt thicker, wider somehow, and your body scrambled to accommodate him. You were completely helpless as he stilled his movement, only his tip inside you.

“I could just jerk off like that, you know?” he teased you, sounding far less affected than you felt, “Get my pleasure but deny you yours, as punishment for how greedy you are, what do you think?”

For a moment your head filled with the image he conjured up with his words. Him filling you, over and over again, dripping from him but unable to get your release, being completely at his mercy. Stars, with how turned on you were, you felt as if you could just come from him. But that was not what you craved right now.

“Some other time please,” you whined, trying to distract him from the idea and finally get him moving inside you.

His voice was dark as he spoke. “Don’t think I’ll forget that,” he warned you as he started to push in further. You felt as your walls deliciously stretched for him. You could feel every vein, every ridge of him on your sensitive walls and gasped. Never had you felt him this intensely. You wondered if it was because of the position, because of your bondage or maybe just because you were so oversensitive that every one of your senses was directly focussed on him and him alone.

A glacier was moving faster than him. Desperate for some friction, for anything, you clamped around him, mewling for him to _go faster, please_. But Obi-Wan would not be deterred from whatever his mission was.

“Patience, little one,” he soothed you. His big hand was warm on your lower back as he pressed down just a little more, making your ass go up in the air. Immediately he slipped in another inch and you could feel him at the end of you.

“ _There_ we go,” he whispered and rested inside of you. You felt so full you did not know what to do with yourself. On one hand, you wanted him to move, to pound into you so hard you would not know where you ended and he began. On the other hand, you liked this. It felt like you were floating in space, completely detached from everything around you and only Obi-Wan was grounding you to the real world.

Harshly he pulled out until only the very tip of him was inside you and you mewled at the sudden loss. “Please, master,” you begged him, tears rolling down your cheeks, “I need – I want –“

“I know, darling,” he interjected and pushed into you just as slow, “I know exactly what you need.”

And he did.

The way he pounded into you made your eyes roll back in your head. It was a torturous rhythm, constantly keeping you on edge and he knew it. The only thing you could do was just lie there and take whatever he gave you and yet you would not have wanted it any other way. He was leaning over you, resting his whole weight on top of you as thrust after thrust hurled you closer to that promise of endless pleasure. If it had not been for the restraints you were sure your body would have moved up the bed from the strength of his hips.

He buried his face in your neck from behind. You could feel his hair brushing against your skin as he started nipping at your shoulder. Even now, he was leaving marks wherever he could reach you, his hands gripping your hips so hard there would be bruises there tomorrow.

“Will you come for me, little one?” he breathed into your ear, the way you fluttered around him rhythmically making even him out of breath, “You always look so pretty when you come.”

“Please, master, please, I want to cum,” your words were muffled from the bedding but he must have heard you anyway because his thrusts were in no comparison to the way he started hammering into you then.

He hit that one spot consistently, making you see stars, and you were unable to grasp at anything to keep you sane. The only sounds leaving you were moans and embarrassingly needy whimpers. You came with a scream, feeling yourself gush around him as he continued to thrust into you. He was close. You felt it in the way his hands seized your hips even more, how the force bonds around your ankle tightened just ever so slightly and when you turned your head as far to the side as possible to see him you only breathed out “Inside.” And he came undone.

With a roar he stilled, pumping rope after rope of cum deep inside you. You did not notice how he pulled out of you. To be honest, you were completely blissed out. The force around you had dissipated, leaving you splayed out on your belly in the soaked bedding. Barely registering anything that was happening, you startled, when a set of hands slowly turned you on your back.

*

Obi-Wan’s body was still humming from his release but maker if he did not want to make sure you were alright. You had simply slumped into the blankets, your whole body losing any tension, and secretly he was pleased that he had pleasured you enough to make you feel this way. As you turned on your back he got to see your face – your beautiful face – and he smiled. Your eyes roamed over his face and he was aware that his hair must be a mess, that his neck was flushed and there was a light sheen of sweat on his torso. But the way your mouth quirked up at the corner and how your fingertips brushed his cheek made any doubt flee his mind.

“Hi,” you mumbled, your voice raw from screaming into the pillows and he smiled.

“Hello, darling,” he greeted you, bowing over your face to press a kiss to your forehead. A content noise left your mouth, very much reminding him of a cat, and the aura around you glowed golden. Pride filled him, he had made you feel like that, he had made you happy like that.

But with a look to the mess between your legs and the marks on your skin that already got darker in colour he knew he needed to put in a little more effort to keep that glow around you. “Come on, love,” he tried coaxing you out of bed, “you did so well, you need a hot relaxing bath.”

Nothing in the world could have gotten you out of that bed at the moment and you told him as much. “Also, my legs feel like jelly,” you added with a pout and he laughed. It was a genuine one, the kind where he threw his head back and his whole body moved with him. You were one of the only people who got him to laugh like that and he hoped you knew that.

Determined he stood up and wrapped his arms around you, one under your knees, the other supporting your back. You squeaked in surprise, throwing your arms around his neck and he grinned. The smile on your lips remained as you gazed at him and he felt overwhelmed by the love you felt for him. Stars, how had he ever deserved you?

Like a princess he carried you to your bathroom, already planning what lay ahead.

The one feature he absolutely adored in your apartment was the bathtub. It was an old fashioned one with real water that was big enough for at least four people and sunken into the floor. It was placed right next to a large mirrored window so one could enjoy the view of the skyline while simultaneously soaking in a luxurious bubble bath.

It was the kind of amenity the Jedi Order would never approve of and in the war, they were even worse. He shuddered at the thought of sonic showers.

But with you in his arms, happy and soft and sated, he could imagine nothing better than to just sit in a bath with you until the sun came up.

With a flick of his wrist, Obi-Wan had turned the handles until warm water flowed into the tub steam already rising into the air.

“Would you like some scented oils, mylady?” he asked teasingly. He knew you had dozens of them somewhere. You loved them. Whenever he came back from a mission he tried to see if he could get his hands on a local mixture, something that would be hard to find on Coruscant, and so your collection had only grown.

“You choose something,” you mumbled against his collarbone, your eyes drooping shut. Carefully he set you down on a chaise that usually held your bathrobes and towels. You winced when your skin touched the fabric and worry made itself known in his mind. Had he been too rough? He knew that your body would be sensitive after the session that you had but what if you were hurting?

Determined to make it up to you, he chose a little flask with some healing herbs from Naboo – he knew that you liked the scent (when you had smelled it on him one time you had said _‘I could stay buried with you like this forever’_ And fallen asleep on him a few minutes later) and so he put a few drops into the steadily rising water. Steam was starting to rise from the surface and the room began to grow warm.

With one hand, he helped you up from your seat and you stepped down into the tub. The sigh that came from your mouth relieved him a little. “Just close your eyes for a few minutes, darling,” he instructed you, softly brushing your hair out of your face. You did as you were told without an ounce of hesitation, sinking into the warm water around you – the picture of perfect bliss.

Quietly, he hurried out of your room and started stripping your bedsheets. If your state now was anything to go by you would fall asleep before your head even touched the pillow and he wanted you to be as comfortable as possible – the sweat-soaked sheets would not do.

His body was still thrumming with pleasure from how you had wrung that orgasm out of him, milking him of everything he had.

But although it had been _his_ fantasy, this was not about him. This was all about you. You had allowed him – indulged him – in this desire despite your previous hesitations and it had been his goal to make you feel the best you ever felt. He had wanted to show you that it could feel good, that it could please you. And so, as long as you would have enjoyed yourself, he would not have minded if he had not gotten to cum. The most important part in all of this was you.

There was some light splashing from the room and – “Obi-Wan?” your voice sounded confused and tired as if you did not quite know when he had left. The bed was finished and so he walked over to your voice.

When he entered the room, your head turned to him immediately, relief on your face, “I thought you had left.”

“Never,” he vowed and motioned for you to lean forward so he could sink into the tub behind you. The water was warm on his skin, soothing his aching muscles from days on the battlefield that he seemed to live with constantly. You sat between his legs, your back to him and he relished in the way your aura was completely calm – absolutely content.

The water made some quiet splashing sounds as his hands came up to gently rub your neck your shoulders and your arms until he was grasping your hands in his. Your skin was so soft, something that he knew but was always surprised by.

Your head was nestled in the space between his shoulder and his neck and it made him feel warm all over. He watched as you splayed your hands against his, seeing how they compared. It made his heart clench just seeing this. Where he was roughened and disillusioned from years of a war that never seemed to end, you still had that softness to you that spoke of a life not lived on the battlefield. He had that once and now he only had you to remind him of what it was like.

He buried his face in your hair, closing his eyes against the obtrusive thoughts that threatened to invade his mind.

Instead, he tried to change the subject.

“Did you – Did you enjoy it?”

He had not meant for his question to sound so – insecure. He knew that you had found your peak – twice – at his ministrations and the way for aura wavered around you like the water at his skin he knew that you were well, that you were happy. But still, he remembered the way you had gasped out that safe word, how you had clung to him afterwards overwhelmed by him and his deeds, and not in a good way.

You had trusted him and he had made you hurt. “I did,” you replied and brushed your thumb over his knuckles, pulling his hands to your lips, “very much so.”

Your answer interrupted his thoughts once again and he took a deep breath, trying to ground himself in the force and in the moment. You were here, you were safe and you were honest. You had liked it, he had not fucked things up, he had taken care of you, he _was_ taking care of you – everything was fine.

The more he repeated the mantras in his head, the more he was able to relax. The silence around the room slowly lulled you into a doze and he could hear your breaths deepening. He enjoyed the closeness to you, the way the water lapped gently at his skin and yours. You were so warm, so comfortable, and it felt like another kind of intimacy he never wanted to miss from now on.

“Thank you for listening to me when I – when I said –“

“This is not something you should thank me for,” he interrupted you immediately, voice filled with an edge of panic, “this was not a nice gesture these are the very principles upon which this agreement stood, alright? You allowed me to live out this fantasy, to use the force on you, but no matter if it is a fantasy or not, I will always – _always_ – stop if you want me to, darling.”

“Still,” you murmured into his neck, eyes falling almost closed, “It just proved how safe I felt with you. How safe I _can_ feel around you.”

With his fingertips under your chin, he tilted your head up so he could look at you – into your eyes. He never got tired of looking into your eyes. You were the kind of person that wore her emotions on her sleeves – her irises in this case – and he loved how you never had a wall up with him. How you just let him see what you were feeling and the love shining back at him these last few days threatened to overwhelm him. This had never been something that he thought he could have – not with anyone and certainly not with you. But now the knowledge that what he felt for you was reciprocated formed a lump in his throat.

How had he ever deserved this?

“By now I hope you have realized that I would turn the galaxy upside down if it meant keeping you safe,” he whispered. The truth in his words was achingly obvious and he hoped that you heard it as well. He really would do anything for you, to see you smile at him as you did right now. Slowly he lowered his lips to yours in a soft kiss, mindful of the swelling he had caused with his biting.

Your entire body was littered with his marks and it satisfied a primal urge in him to possess you, to claim you for all to see. He had never been the kind of person to openly flaunt his possessions – he was a Jedi, after all – and he also did not see _you_ as his possession. But there was something about the way you looked at him, how you intimately leant into him, trusted him and let him mark you up beneath your clothes that made his heart skip a beat and his cock twitch.

Your kisses were soft and when you raised your hand into his beard, softly scraping your nails through it, he sighed.

“I have been thinking,” he started slowly, kissing the corner of your mouth, “About that question you asked me a few months ago.”

“What did I ask?”

He still remembered how your eyes had twinkled at him that night. How your pretty dress had shone compared to the rough cloak around your shoulders. It was one of his favourite memories, one he dug up during cold night son the space ship when it felt like the war would never end. “You asked if Jedi get something like a vacation.”

There was a hum from you as you recalled that night at the diner, “What about it?”

“I have requested an official leave after the war.”

Abruptly you sat up, your skin leaving his and he missed it for a moment before you turned around to face him. Your face was a mixture of shock and elation, “You – you have requested _vacation_? Is that even possible?”

“It is now,” he grinned, pleased with himself.

(The Council had been surprised when he had suggested a leave of absence after the war but surprisingly it had been Master Windu who had approved it without any further questioning. “Master Kenobi has one of the highest mission counts to date,” he had said, daring anyone to challenge his decision, “It is a small request that we can grant.”)

His fingers reached out and brushed along your collarbone, tracing some of the colours on your skin. You relaxed at his touch, a serene smile on your face, “A vacation sounds nice.”

He could already see it in his minds, warm summer nights spent on a terrace somewhere. Eating delicious food until you were bellies were full, showering with real water every day. Meditating each morning in the serenity of the forest, sitting in front of a fire with you by his side.

“When the war is over, darling, I want to take you somewhere nice. Wherever you want, just the two of us,” he revealed his intention. Your eyes widened in surprise as if you had not expected him to voice this plan and as if that was even possible his love for you grew even more. The genuine excitement that radiated off of you was contagious and he could not hide his beaming smile either.

Slinging your arms around his shoulder you came to straddle him, your naked skin pressed against his, “You really want to go on a vacation with me?”

Your eyes were still wide in disbelief and he gazed at you. He ran his fingers through your hair, taking the time to really, truly, gaze at you.

He knew his smile was lopsided, knew that his aura was merging with yours because what he felt for you was too big for just his heart – it needed to be shared with you and the world.

“Of course, I do, love,” he murmured, eyes wandering over your forehead, your eyebrows down your nose to your lips and up to your eyes, “I want to have you all to myself for as long as possible. No one needs to know, we could play pretend. Just a couple newlyweds on a honeymoon.”

“I like that,” you smiled against his lips, “Let’s play pretend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hello on tumblr! @maybege


	10. Endings, Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war has been going on longer than any of you had expected. Suddenly everything you know seems to fall apart, only to fall back together again.
> 
> Warnings: we delve into the happenings of ROTS, canon divergence, angst, I don’t like either Plapatine or the Jedi Council, fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man this is it, folks. The last part of Play Pretend. I cannot out into words how happy and sad I am at the same time. I would like to thank you all for your continued support of this series. This started out as a thigh riding oneshot for Obi-Wan and 9 parts later here we are <3 Thank you all for your comments, your encouragments and the fact that you took the time to read this story at all! As always, please let me know what you think of this part! (Also, any suggestions/wishes for a next Obi-Wan story will be greatly appreciated!)

“What are you thinking about?”

“That vacation you promised me,” you replied wistfully, looking out of your window into the Coruscant traffic, “That’s more than a year ago now. Do you remember?”

It was dark outside already, only the lights of the city reflecting in your window. Behind you, Obi-Wan appeared, wrapping his arms around you. His beard brushed against the back of your neck as he pressed a kiss to the skin there.

“Of course, I remember, darling,” he mumbled quietly and rested his chin on your shoulder, following your gaze to the outside, “How could I not?”

He was warm behind you. Warm and familiar and comfortable and you loved the fact that you could just lean back against him like that. That you could just sink into him, disappear into his warmth and know that he would keep you safe.

The dinner was weighing heavy in your stomach. It had started out as a nice evening. You had been celebrating Obi-Wan’s return from the Battle for Coruscant with takeout from Rex’ and some of that good Naboonian wine your uncle had gifted you for your birthday. But, as so often these past few days, the mood had turned dark and heavy.

It was not like you had fought or anything. You never fought. But war was a difficult thing to live with and after every mission, Obi-Wan came back with some worry or another. Sometimes you lay awake at night, wondering how many missions he would be able to take before he broke. Before the overwhelming sense of guilt had finally caught up with him.

And here you had been, already looking for different places you had wanted to visit with him. It had taken an embarrassingly large amount of time before you finally understood that, no, the war would not end and you would not be able to take Oi-Wan to Naboo to show him where you had grown up. The war would go on and so would the secrecy surrounding your relationship.

“I feel stupid, thinking that war would be over by now.”

“It was not stupid,” the man behind you protested quietly, although you could hear the exhaustion in his voice, “It was hopeful. We all were.”

“Yes, and now we know better,” you mumbled, closing your eyes as he swayed with you in the dark, “Will you have to go back today or can you stay?”

“I wish I could stay,” he replied, pressing a kiss to your shoulder, “But there is a council meeting very early tomorrow.”

You hummed, eyes closed in content, “It’s a private one then, I wasn’t notified.”

“Yes, it will be an important one,” he hesitated, “we – the Council will grant him a seat. On the Chancellor’s request.”

He did not need to state the name for you to know who this was about. It had been the talk of the Council for days. How your uncle had dared to make such a request, how it should always be the decision of the Council. And you had silently agreed. Which was why it confused you so much.

Furrowing your brows, you turned around in Obi-Wan’s arms, settling your palms on his chest. You were confused not only at your uncle’s actions and his fascination, almost sheltering and mentoring, of the young Jedi Knight, but also that the council would allow anything like that.

“Anakin will be a Master?” you voiced,” Don’t get me wrong I will be very happy for him but … Obi-Wan you _know_ he’s not been the same since Ahsoka left.”

“I know,” he agreed with a sigh and pulled away from you. There was that wrinkle on his forehead again, the one you wanted to smooth out with your fingertips but now was not the time. Obi-Wan sat down on your sofa, rubbing his beard thoughtfully as he avoided your questioning gaze.

He looked older like this. Exhaustion edged his features permanently now and it made your heart ache. His wrinkles were deeper, the hair at his temples greyer and although he could still joke that most of it was caused by Anakin’s shenanigans you knew it was something else. Something darker.

And you could not lie. You were worried about him. Worried about how this situation seemed to get worse and worse witch each passing day.

There had been hundreds of moments, in your opinion, where it had felt as if the war was close to an end. As if the Republic had finally gained the upper hand. But miraculously the Separatists always regained their strength, always put up a fight, and the war was never truly over.

It was like you were captured in an endless cycle of warfare on both sides and no one knew how to get out of it. Sometimes you believed there were people who did not want to get out of it in the first place. And those were the ones that truly scared you.

War left the kind of traces that you could not only see in politics but on the Jedi as well. Everybody became tense, increasingly worried and you were not stupid. You knew that they had grown suspicious of your uncle. They could not keep you from attending every meeting after all.

Which was what made it all the more surprising that they actually granted him his wish.

With a deep sigh, you sat down next to Obi-Wan, taking hold of his hand and pressing our lips against his knuckles.

“Anakin …” Obi-Wan started, “Anakin won’t be given the title of Master. He will have a seat on the Council but he won’t be a Master.”

“I didn’t know that was possible,” you murmured, chancing a glance at him, “I don’t imagine that he will be very pleased with it.”

“It isn’t – wasn’t,” he corrected himself, “And I don’t think so either but – Anakin is young and he is proud. There is much that he still has to learn and I fear – I fear that this move of the Council might hinder him more than it will help him.”

“I am sure he will understand,” you tried to calm him, “He is your best friend, Obi-Wan, if all else fails, you can just talk it out.”

He turned to you, an honest smile on his lips as his hand moved to frame your cheek, his thumb rubbing gently over your skin, “What would I ever do without you, love?”

“I do not know,” you grinned and leaned in to kiss him, “But I don’t want to know either.”

*

By the time you had made it to temple in the morning, the Council’s meeting was still ongoing. It made you nervous. Of course, longer meetings were nothing new for the council, it really wasn’t. but with how worried obi-wan had been yesterday you could not help but be nervous.

You were just taking a walk from your office to the library through one of the many pillared hallways when obi-wan was quite literally rushing towards you. He looked deadly serious and your heart dropped into your stomach at all the different things that could have gone wrong.

When he reached you, he did not say anything. He just gently took hold of your elbows and led you behind one of the giant pillars, cloaking you both in shadows. Thankfully, the hallway you were in was empty during this time of the ay. With the training of the younglings still ongoing, there was little movement in the temple at large.

“Obi-Wan, what’s wrong?” you asked worriedly, your hands immediately finding their way to his beard, “How did it go?”

The man leant into your touch which told you enough. If he was willing to openly show his affection within the temple – more than usual that is – it must have been bad. Soothingly you ran your fingers through his beard, hoping that it might somehow calm him down.

You were not force-sensitive by any means but you swore you could feel how heavy his shoulders felt. That was when you noticed that he was wearing his cloak. His travelling cloak.

“Arguably worse than I could have anticipated,” Obi-Wan replied quietly, closing his eyes as his forehead found yours, “Anakin … is not thrilled about his assignment and I have one of my own.”

“An assignment? So quickly? I don’t understand,” you mumbled, pulling away from him to search his eyes for any indication of a misplaced joke, “You’ve only just saved my uncle, you – you basically saved all of Coruscant, isn’t that enough?”

There were more words, more protests, you wanted to voice but you knew it would be futile. You knew he would not say No to the Council, not as long as he was a Jedi. So, you took a deep breath and tried to control the way your voice pitched higher in pure frustration and desperation.

“I just – I wanted more time with you,” you admitted quietly, then, and felt Obi-Wan’s hand wrap around the back of your neck.

“I wanted that too, darling,” he whispered, “I am sure that this will be the last time. We’re close now, I can feel it.”

“When will you have to leave?”

“In a few hours,” he answered quietly, “I don’t have to time to properly say goodbye, this is it. But listen to me –“

His hands settled on your shoulder as he looked intensely at you as if he wanted to make sure that you understood every single word that was leaving his mouth.

“I think something is in the air and I want you out of here.”

“Obi-Wan …”

“This is not the time to tell me you can hold your own – I know that, love, I do,” he replied quickly, “And I trust you and your abilities but this – this is bigger than everything and I need you to stay safe for all intents and purposes, understood?”

This was the first time you had ever seen real, genuine fear in his eyes and your body tensed at seeing him like this. What was it that had caused this worry? What did he know that you didn’t?

Internally, you still wanted to protest. You still wanted to say that you could take care of yourself, that you were safe here on Coruscant. That nothing could happen to you here. After all, you had one of the safest jobs in the galaxy. But Obi-Wan knew what he was talking about. He wouldn’t just send you away for nothing.

“I – I can start my way to Naboo this evening,” you stuttered, mind rattling with what you needed to pack, “Obi-Wan, I love you.

“I love you too,” he replied without hesitation, his lips finding yours in a soft kiss. Your hands latched onto the soft fabric of his cloak, pulling him closer to you as you tilted your head to have your mouths fit together perfectly.

His tongue tentatively touched your lower lip and you immediately granted him access, letting him dominate the kiss. As your tongues swirled around each other, you felt the pure desperation coming from him in waves and it brought tears to your eyes.

Why did this feel like a goodbye?

When he pulled away, both of you were completely out of breath. “Promise me you’ll leave,” he insisted, hands heavy on your shoulders, “Promise me.”

“I promise.”

He nodded as if convincing himself that everything would be alright. Pressing a kiss toy our forehead, he turned around and left you alone in that big hallway.

That was the last time you saw him before he left for Utapau.

*

As you had promised him, you left for Naboo as soon as possible.

There were ships leaving every day for the Mid Rim and you were positive that you would make it on one of them. But Obi-Wan’s words would not leave you head and when they finally did they left a deep fear behind that you simply could not get rid of.

Back in your apartment, you rushed through your rooms to get everything packed. Your flight would not leave until this evening and you tried your hardest to distract yourself. You folded every piece of clothing at least three times, your trembling hands making the task more difficult but also more time-consuming which was what you needed. You just wanted all of this to be over already.

You knew that your family would welcome you with open arms to Naboo. Most of them had retreated to the family residence in Theed, especially in these “uncertain times” as they called it. Your arrival would be nothing special, just one more family member making the trip home during the war. At least you wouldn’t have to justify your presence there, you thought, with the Battle of Coruscant only having passed, they would be more than understanding that you had enough of the Coruscant life.

From the back of one of your drawers, you retrieved the commlink that Obi-Wan had gifted you. It was a privet one, just for the two of you, to be able to communicate with each other when you were apart for longer periods of time.

(Just in case one of us gets in trouble,” he had said. “Just in case _you_ get in trouble,” you had teased him.) You laughed at the memory. And then you cried.

*

Stepping foot on Naboo for the first time in what felt like forever was a weird feeling.

It felt like coming home. Like no time at all had passed since you had last been there.

But it also felt like you were giving up on everything that you had left behind. None of these people knew what you had experienced in your absence. None of them knew. It all just lived on in your imagination and that … _hurt_.

Your sister and her husband awaited you at the spaceport and as soon as you spotted them you took a deep breath. It had been a long time since you had seen her and she was still as beautiful as you remembered her.

“It is so good to see you,” she greeted you with a hug while your brother-in-law picked up your bags, “Are you ready to go home?”

You forced yourself to nod and if she noticed your absence she probably blamed it on the long journey you just had.

The family home was in the very centre of Theed, just a few streets away from the Palace. But what was considered the hustle and bustle of the capital was nothing compared to the busy skies of Coruscant. If anything, it felt more like a vacation.

Like you had suspected, the home was full of visiting relatives. Your brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts had all found their way home and were occupying either their old rooms or the guest suites.

For your return, your old childhood room had been prepared. You stood in the doorframe, thrown back to memories of playing catch with your siblings of reading late into the night on your bed. Of dreaming of adventure and romance and the big wide galaxy. And now you were back and all of these things had come true.

“Honey,” your mother’s voice sounded from behind you, “aren’t you glad to be home? It must’ve been so boring

“Yes, mother,” you murmured, “it is good to be home.”

Although _home_ , at that point, was another person entirely.

*

With bated breath, you waited almost every day for some kind of sign.

Either from Obi-Wan or someone else. Kriff, you just wanted – needed – to know that he was safe and well. That his worries had been unfounded. That you would be able to see him again soon.

You had taken up the habit of watching the holo news channel every day, checking again and again if the end of the war had been announced. But no such thing happened.

You knew that it was a somewhat childish hope against all the odds. But with how worried Obi-Wan had been, how hard he had kissed you, you wished for nothing else other than the end.

Bot no matter how many warnings he could have spoken, never in your life would you have expected something this bad.

And never in your life had you wanted the end to play out like this.

There was no stopping the tears in your eyes as you stared at the screen of the holo TV in your parents’ living room. Your whole family had gathered in the large room to watch history unfold itself in front of your very own eyes.

Images of a burning Jedi Temple were shown alongside a message that the Jedi order had betrayed the Republic. The same Republic which was now the Empire.

Your uncle’s words were transmitted and you wondered at how different he was looking. Your mind was getting whiplash from all the different impressions and news. The separatists had been defeated. The war was over. The Republic was no more. Your uncle had declared an Empire. A kriffing _Empire_.

Surely, there had to be people who were questioning this, right? Surely, no one would just go ahead and accept this at face value? Not after everything the Jedi had done.

In front of your eyes, you watched as the temple continued to burn. Smoke was billowing into the air. No visible attempts were made to tame the fire, to save lives.

They were killing the Jedi.

“Oh my, who would have thought?” your mother commented, head shaking in disbelief, “And here I was, thinking they were fighting for _us_. What do you think, honey? You have worked with them after all, haven’t you?”

You had.

You had and you knew that this was a lie. No way could they have hidden this from you. Could Obi-Wan have hidden this from you?

“I don’t understand,” you swallowed, hastily standing up, “He – _they_ never would have done this. Not in a thousand lifetimes. They were serving the Senate, how could – how could they cheer for their deaths?”

A news banner on the bottom of the screen talked about the Order 66. About the defeat of the Jedi, the traitors of the Republic. About how each and every one that escaped the Order would be highly sought after with a shoot to kill order. Your heart grew hot and cold at the same time.

Was this what Obi-Wan had talked about? Had he known that he was in danger? That you would be in danger at your own workplace?

“Well but apparently they did,” your mother replied breezily, “Would you really accuse your uncle of lying?”

Numbly you shook your head, not strong enough to have an argument about your uncle’s politics now. If one could still call this politics.

“Don’t be so hard on her, mom,” your sister soothed her from the kitchen, “It must be weird to see the place you worked at for so long burned down. Would you like to lie down? I could make you a cup of tea.”

“Yes, please,” you responded, already walking through the room and up the stairs. You did not register if anyone talked to you, you just needed to get out of there, to wake up, to realize that all of this had just been a terribly realistic nightmare.

Once the door closed behind you, you took a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves. Your heart was racing in your chest so much it hurt and you were sure the black around your vision was not a good sign either. Then, you went rushing towards your closet, flinging clothes out of the way to get to the bottom of the bag. And there it was.

With shaking hands, you took the commlink in hand and called him.

And he didn’t pick up.

You called him again.

Nothing.

By the third time, you pushed the button your hands hook so bad the device fell to the floor with a _thump_.

He did not pick up again.

“Okay,” you breathed, “Okay that doesn’t have to mean anything.”

He had been on plenty of mission in the past where you had never talked for the entire duration of his absence. This could be one of those times, right He was just … he was just too busy to pick up. Yes, that was right. He was well and healthy and just too busy.

You did not believe it in the slightest.

A knock on your door made you flinch.

“Hello there,” your sister greeted you and your heart screamed in pain, “Here’s your tea, did you want some sugar with it or – by the maker, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Are you alright?”

Only then did you notice the treacherous wetness on your cheeks and hastily tried to dry them with the sleeves of your shirt. “Yes, of course,” you forced a laugh, “Um, it is just the shock, you know? I – It’s just the shock …”

Your sister nodded understandingly and put the cup down on your nightstand, “I can imagine. It must be such a shock to see the people you’ve worked with so closely be revealed to these … these monsters.”

 _They aren’t though_ , you wanted to protest, _they are no monster. They never were._

But you knew your protest would fall on deaf ears and so you only nodded, the movement costing you more energy than you would have liked and feeling like a betrayal not only to Obi-Wan but all the others.

*

You tried calling him 49 times after that. He never picked up.

There was no one you could call. No one who knew them as well. No one who would believe you.

And the darker the room got, the more time passed, the closer you had to deal with the thought maybe … maybe Obi-Wan had been amongst those that had been struck down. He had left with Commander Cody after all and the stormtroopers had been the ones to execute the Emperor’s order.

The thought brought fresh tears to your eyes.

You knew that his occupation was dangerous. That he could be injured or killed on missions. Objectively you knew that.

But imagining a world where you had to live without him was a sheer impossibility.

And to know that he was not killed in battle or by some rimy separatists but by people that he trusted?

It made it all that much worse.

Sleep did not come to you that night. Exhaustion did but sleep didn’t. Your mind kept you awake in the dark, conjuring up images of how he might have passed. Of the pain, he must have felt. Of how he had looked at you the last time you had seen him.

You wanted to tell him more. Wanted to have him close again, be in his arms and hear him whisper stories he had read into your ear. You had imagined your whole life with him. Had imagined what it would be like to marry him, to have children with him.

Now you would never know.

The sky had turned into a dark grey as the sun threatened the beginning of another day when your commlink beeped.

At first, you thought it was just a product of your imagination but when you saw the red blinking on the metal, you scrambled out of bed to get to it. “Hello?”

You were out of breath, your hair a mess, when the image of Senator Organa appeared. You furrowed your brows. How could the Senator have gotten to the commlink that Obi-Wan had?

“I am very sorry to disturb you at this time, Secretary,” the man greeted you, “are you alone at the moment?”

With a lump in your throat, you nodded.

The dark-haired man smiled and tilted his head, “Good. There is someone here who would like to speak to you.”

“Hello, darling.”

All air left your body.

You pressed a hand to your mouth but it was too slow to muffle the pathetic sob that escaped you as your eyes filled with fresh tears. “Obi-Wan …”

He looked … well. He looked safe and he looked alive. His hair was mussed up and you smiled when his hand came up to run through his hair.

“Are you safe, darling?” he asked worriedly, “

You nodded, tears streaming down your face. Your heart had never felt lighter. “I thought – there were all these reports everywhere and I couldn’t reach you and I thought,” you sobbed quietly, “I thought you were dead, Obi-Wan.”

“It will take a lot more than that to keep me from you,” he promised, “It will be all over soon, I just need to talk to Anakin and then –“

“Anakin, did he survive as well?”

You could see his shoulders sagging in the projection.

“Anakin … Anakin is the new apprentice of Darth Sidious, your uncle.”

Your blood froze in your veins. This sentence carried so much weight with it, so many implications, you did not know what to do. You were tired and you were overwhelmed but the thought of losing Obi-Wan a second time? That did not sit well with you at all.

“Are you sure this is a good idea, then?” you asked carefully, “To talk to him?”

“He is my friend, I have to try, darling,” he explained as if he knew your thought process. Which he probably did. That man knew the deepest, darkest corners of your mind intimately and it did not take much to count two and two together. “And with Padmé pregnant … I just – I _owe_ him this much, love.”

“I don’t want to lose you, Obi-Wan,” you whispered, making sure not to get too loud in case your room neighbours would pick up on your conversation, “I understand that he is your friend, your brother, but … I just want you safe, Obi-Wan. I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”

“I promise, I will come out of this alive,” he vowed, “The next 24 standard hours will determine everything. Just wait for my word and then it will be safe.”

You hesitated for what felt like forever as his words and promises echoed around your head. But ultimately, you knew that he was right. He was in the position to at least try to change everything for the better. To save his friend and the galaxy.

And so, you sighed but smiled at him, happy that he was alright and looking at you with those eyes that you knew would make you melt on the spot. “I love you, Obi-Wan. Just come back to me.”

“I love you too, darling. And I will see you in 24 hours.”

*

When you received the call, it felt you had been awake for at least 72 hours.

You had not slept, you could barely eat and every tiny sound made you jump because you thought it might have been the commlink. Your family was worried, you were aware of that, and even your father had taken you aside and asked you if you were alright or if you would like to see a doctor.

But you had no time for doctors. You had no time for anything because any moment could be the moment.

You did not tell him that of course.

But when the holo news suddenly stopped their repeated transmission of the Emperor’s speech, you knew something was up. And when, minutes later, Senator Organa’s face appeared backed by a few other prominent politicians, you knew that Obi-Wan had succeeded.

As your family, once again, stood around the living room, listening enraptured to what the Senator had to say, your commlink beeped.

With a smile, you hurried up the stairs as quietly as possible and accepted the call. And there he was just as he had been roughly a day ago. He looked happy, relieved, although there were a few scratches on his face and one arm was in a sling.

“Darling,” he greeted you with a grin, “I think it’s time for you to come home.”

*

Your legs were jittery as you rushed into the temple. The destruction was devastating even from afar but walking through the rubble of what had once been this magnificent building hit closer to home than you could have ever expected.

The journey from Naboo to Coruscant had been enlightening, to say the least. The holo news now transmitted the information of your uncle, Chancellor Palpatine, had truly always been Darth Sidious and how he had been the one to imitate the Clone Wars in the first place. How he had taken Anakin under his wing and had used his power of mind control over the young Jedi Knight to make him do unspeakable things. How some of the Jedi had survived and returned to Coruscant to free the Chosen One from the mind control he was under.

You saw him then. There were quite a few of them gathered in the great hallways but you – you just couldn’t wait any longer. Couldn’t wait until this evening or whenever he would be free. You had waited long enough.

When he spotted you his whole face lit up. He had scorch marks on his tunic, his hair was a mess and his clothes too. He looked like he had been through hell and back. But the important part was back. He was back. Oh, by the stars he was there.

“Obi-Wan,” you choked out, lips trembling already as tears streamed down your face.

That seemed to spur him on. With three large steps, he was in front of you and pulling you into his arms. His hands on your back pressed you closer to his chest and you felt his nose gently running along your hairline. Being able to feel him underneath your fingertips was a luxury you would never take for granted anymore.

“Thank the maker you are safe,” he whispered, “Oh darling, I am so happy to see you.”

His hands went from your back to your waist to your shoulders, slightly pushing you away. He was mustering you up and down, searching for injuries which was ironic because _he_ was the one you needed to worry about. He was the one who had just fought the most important battle in the Galaxy’s history.

Then his rough fingers trailed over your neck to your cheeks, grabbing your face and smashing your mouth against his.

The kiss was rough and desperate. He tasted of sweat and ash and tears and your heart ached for him but you had also never been happier. Your hands wandered into his hair, pulling him closer to you, your chests pressing against each other. He nipped at your bottom lip and you gasped, opening your mouth for him and his tongue –

“What?!”

You flinched.

Suddenly you remembered that you had an audience and pulled away from him, slightly afraid and out of breath.

But Obi-Wan could not be bothered. He kept peppering your lips with soft kisses, almost wrapping you up in his cloak as he smiled at you. His eyes were twinkling mischievously at you before he winked, looking like a child that had won at his favourite game of action figures.

“There is no point in hiding it anymore,” he declared and turned around, his arm around your waits and his face deadly serious, “We truly do have more important matters to talk about.”

It was Plo Koon who moved first. He nodded slowly and turned back to Master Yoda who looked quite worried. “I am glad to see you are safe and well, Secretary.”

You nodded at him with a shy smile, your ears still hot from this rather spontaneous make-out session.

“Well then, let’s see what we can salvage.”

*

The whole days was spend evaluating the destruction of the temple, lifting up the rubble and making sure to recover the bodies of the lives lost.

It was deep into the night when the pyres were ready.

The survivors had gathered in the gardens in a large circle. It was sad and beautiful and the smoke made your vision tear up.

You were standing by Obi-Wan’s side, your arms wrapped around his bicep and your head resting on his shoulder. You hoped it brought him the same comfort it gave you.

“Stay here,” he whispered into your ear, “Stay with me tonight, darling.”

“Are you sure?” you asked, resting your chin on his shoulder to look at him, “The Order –”

“No one will dare to say anything tonight,” he replied, “Not tonight, not after all that has happened.”

His hand came up to lay over yours, his thumb tracing patterns over your hands. And so, you nodded and when it was all over and the fires were out, he led you through hallways to a part of the Temple you had never been in before.

The room was sparsely furnished. There was a low bed, some brownish bedding on it. There was a thin mat in front of the round window. It was so easy to picture him meditating there each morning, the sun making his hair glow.

Obi-Wan remained at the doorframe, letting you explore his room at your own pace. And you did. Slowly, you walked around, looking for each and every tiny sign of his own personality. And once you spotted one, you spotted them all. There were datapads on his shelves, little trinkets from his journey, an actual poster that looked like it was ages old on the walls.

But there was one thing that made all of them pale in comparison.

On his nightstand, there was a picture frame. Curious, you picked it up and switched it on, your breath catching in your throat as the picture had loaded.

“That’s me.”

You turned around to look at him with wide eyes and a warm heart, “You have a picture of me here?”

“Of course, I do, darling,” he smiled as he entered his room now as well. He gazed at you with such fondness, it made your heart melt, “Whenever I came home from a mission and I couldn’t go to see you, at least I could see you like this.”

You felt your eyes tearing up and set the picture down. He had started to take off his outer layers, leaving him in his undertunic and pants when he stepped closer to you and pulled you to him.

“I almost lost you,” he gasped against your lips, diving into your neck, sucking and biting at your skin. “Kriffing stars, I was so scared to lose you.”

“You won’t lose me,” you promised, tilting your head to offer him more space, “I promise you won’t lose me. It’s all over now.”

When his lips found yours again, you both smiled into the kiss, knowing what lay ahead.

“Whatever happens,” he whispered, his thumbs drawing patterns on your hips, “I won’t leave you.”

*

“Oh, look at that beautiful smile!”

Obi-Wan grinned. The weather today was especially good. The sun was shining from a clear blue sky and there was the ever so slight breeze to cool everyone down. The meadows on Naboo were a shining green, inviting each and every visitor to enjoy the weather with a picnic.

You and Padmé had had the same idea. And now you were sitting on a big blanket, playing with both Luke and Leia who were looking at their new surroundings with curious eyes.

It made him feel warm, to see and feel the pure happiness that was radiating off the little group.

“I still don’t understand why they would have made you leave,” Anakin commented, standing next to him a few paces away, “After all that you did for them …”, he scoffed.

Obi-Wan sighed, “I guess even when faced with the worst-case scenario, they could not admit to their own faults.”

“For what it’s worth, I – I am glad that you found it in yourself to forgive me. I really am. And I am sorry that they were not willing to change the rules.”

“I am too, Anakin,” he replied a slight smile on his face, “But I am also grateful because the Force granted us this.”

And he was. He was truly grateful.

For a moment, a few months ago, he had hoped that there was a way he could have had both. You and the Order. With the Republic being rebuilt the order had decided to rebuild itself from the ground up as well.

But they were not willing to change. They were not willing to forgive Anakin for the things he had done – not the ones when he had been mind-controlled, no, the ones he had done for love. And the same went for Obi-Wan. Before he could have even suggested a change in the Code, they had made it clear that he would be no longer wanted in the Temple.

Had he been disappointed? Sure. But surprised? Absolutely not.

He had walked out of that Temple the same man he had always been and it had been made that much sweeter because he was walking towards you.

When Anakin and Padmé had invited you to join them on Naboo, both of you had gladly accepted which led him right to this moment.

“Look there’s uncle obi,” you cooed at the small boy in your arms, pointing towards him. It occurred to him only now that he had never seen you with a baby. Younglings at the temple sure, but never a small one. Seeing you now with his nephew, he made a note to himself that he wanted to see more of it.

He wanted to see you with his child. He wanted to see you in your own home that you would build just how you both wanted it. He wanted to see you smile at him in the morning when you woke up and at night when you fell asleep. He wanted it all.

Anakin and he had been trailing behind you, carrying the baskets full of food. When they arrived, the spread the food around, making a little buffet in the middle for everyone to enjoy.

He sat down next to you, making grimaces at Luke who giggled with delight.

Next to him, Padmé and Anakin fussed over Leia who seemed determined that one grape was not enough to eat at once.

This was his family and he would not change it for the world.

*

In the kitchen, he tried to rock Leia to sleep. She was a fussy one sometimes and she loved it when her uncle cradled her to his chest. But he could not lie, he loved it as well. The toddler was slumped against him, intently fighting her drooping eyelids and he would have laughed at the image if it was not for the fact that he wanted her to sleep.

“You look good with her,” your voice sounded from the doorway and he turned around, just to find you leaning against one of the pillars. Your arms were crossed in front of your chest and your head was tilted to the side to gaze at him.

He grinned, not ceasing to rock the child in his arms.

“A baby suits you,” you continued to tease him, a twinkle in your eyes.

“A baby would suit you too,” he replied before really knowing what he was saying. Once the words registered in his head, his eyes grew wide, “I didn’t mean that. I mean you would – but only if you wanted, of course, and … I am just making it worse, aren’t I?”

You stepped closer to him with that smile of yours that made his heart beat faster, “I do want children if that’s what you’re asking, Obi-Wan. In fact, I like them so much, I wouldn’t mind making our own when you’re free tonight …”

The teasing smile on your lips made him swallow harshly. The thought awoke something in him he had not felt before but there was something else he wanted to do first.

“I am a traditional man, love,” he teased, “You will have to marry me first. If you want, that is.”

You bit your lip, the movement doing nothing to hide the wide grin on your face. “There’s nothing I’d want more.”

*

Days later, the Naboonian sunset made everything glow golden.

All the doors and windows in your room were open, letting in the warm breeze from the lake and letting it wash over your naked bodies.

You were lying facedown on the bed, your body still covered in a thin sheen of sweat from your session with Obi-Wan. But now it was over and calm and lovely and you hummed in content.

Your husband was sitting next to you, leaning against the headboard as he was reading one of the books that Padmé had recommended. Occasionally his hand would drift to your back, his fingertips drawing intricate patterns in your skin.

It was calm and it was beautiful. But most important of all: You had all the time in the world.

You held up your hand, smiling at the golden band around your finger, at how it glowed in the sunlight.

The ceremony had been spontaneous today. Anakin and Padmé had served as witnesses and the brunette woman had lent you a beautiful dress to wear. It had been small and intimate and you would not change it for anything in the galaxy.

“What are you thinking about, darling?” he asked, his blue eyes still on the pages but his mouth was quirking up, showing that he had definitely noticed your staring.

“Just about how we don’t have to worry anymore,” you mumbled, your chin resting on your arm as you looked up at him through your lashes, “We don’t have to hurry anymore, we can take however much time we want.”

He turned to look at you, a full smile on his lips, “You are right. We don’t have to pretend anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hello over on tumblr! @maybege


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